Its almost the 4th of July! Russ is on a plane, ready to touch down! Mom is in Mexico! I am…
At work. Answering phones and mulling over the idea that I live my life every day surrounded by things that I cant describe or explain. Some of them are bad, but then again, some of them are excellent. Theres this moment where you see something and you realize that youre living out a moment that gets put into films – shes walking ahead, not looking back, confident that youre following. Youre happy to be following, and maybe you dont know where youre going, but its not really that important in the grand scheme of things – youre just happy to have that moment.
This is a sort of weird post, and I apologize, but its brought on by a whole series of events in my life that, taken individually, are tangential to me, honestly, but viewed together, in their places and from my perspective, these things are huge in forming how I process the day. The older I get, the more I learn how powerless I really am. The older I get, the more I appreciate the people who form my backbone, the people without whose influence I could not stand. The more time that passes, the more I can see my life as a linear series of phases, broken into loosely connected images and experiences, united, barely, by the hue of the phase Im in. Its like, if Im in a red phase, everything, even the purest green or blue experiences, will have the slightest hint of red overtones, muddying the green just a bit or lending the blue a purple impression.
I know this is a vague update, but at least its under the heading of the ineffable. Im sure none of this makes any sense, but putting it down somehow helps sort it all in my head. The flurry of weddings (and, umm, engagements), visitations, girls to chase, projects to work on and jobs to do has me sort of reeling, and when Im reeling, Im grasping for things, which is where I find myself now. So happy fourth of July. Anyone having a barbeque?