I just totally blew off a hot chick. Shed let me know she and a couple of friends were going to be at this club and I said Id go. I showered, got dressed, left. I had to get gas, so I did. Then I called her and told her, “You know what? Im not interested in where youre going. Ill see you some other time.” And that was that.

What the fuck? I mean it. I dont know anyone in the entire city except my roommate and Kieran and I cant muster whatever the goddamn hell I couldnt muster to go to some pretentious Hollywood club with some hot girls? Come the fuck on. Really. Its not hard. Just smile, pretend to listen, play nice. But not me.

Im sick of compromise, sick of pretense, sick of pretending that I give a shit when I most assuredly do not give anything that even resembles a shit. Im sick of being on everyone elses schedule, of waiting for their abstract schedules to fall into line so they can grace me with a phone call. Fuck em all. If Im alone, I get more writing done anyway. Except tonight. Tonight, I go to bed even though Im not tired, tonight I lay there and internalize rage that I do not understand, tonight I breathe deep the gathering gloom, as they say.

There. Ive vented. Im all fucking better now.