October 1 – November 12, 2002

2:38AM 11/12/2002
the new site is up and running and ready for your testing at dev.clapboard.org!Totally different interface, more useful user accounts, more functionality and an entirely database-driven backend define the new site.

Tell me about your likes and dislikes, either on this board or on the dev board–i’ll be living both places.

amazing how even a short night’s sleep makes everything better
7:45PM 11/11/2002
I just got a shout out on syracuse college radio – this rules. i’m in a much better mood this morning, although i think i’ll have to take a nap later in order to survive the day. at the moment, however, i’m working on icons for the new site.Listen to Emily while you’re getting ready for work – http://werw.syr.edu. Mondays between 7 and 9 am, my sister rules the airwaves of upstate new york with the most energetic rock show on the air.
fortune and fame
8:37AM 11/11/2002
I’m too lucky to be feeling as unhappy as I am right now–there’s no excuse for this. I’m going to spend the next little while doing things that make me happy then I’m going to get a good night’s sleep. Tomorrow morning when I listen to Em’s radio show, the dark clouds will be gone. I’ll be productive, I’ll be proactive and I’ll be happy.We’ll see.
Sleep? Who needs it?
11:31PM 11/06/2002
Wow, time flies. I was up till 4am last night working on this stupid site and now i’m tired. But I think it’s in that good way. I have a BBS that I like (although I’m still an old-school perl guy and would love to write a board with mysql hooks that looked like my current board but was database driven like the PHP board), things are coning together config-wise, and I think everything is going to come together rather nicely.I think I’m going to go down to Philly today, you know, to rake leaves or mow or something and also to have my laptop and some time to just bang out the rest of my stupid screenplay (you know, the thing I’ve been talking about incessantly for the last three months…). It’d be good for me, I think, to have some chill time, and maybe even getting away from the constant draw of the internet would even have its benefits. We’ll see about that.

The last thing on my plate today is the fact that the ill shit to which I alluded before has been toned down quite a bit and it’s all blowing over in relatively calm fashion. It looks like the storm didn’t do that much damage to the landscape, as it were. If you don’t already know the story about which I speak, suffice it to say that it didn’t directly involve me, but almost involved my new, more-ass-kickin’ self (who has yet to make an appearance, unfortunately). Oh, how I wish i was hardcore.

It means you’re dirty when you can’t stop scratching your head and then when your fingers come away they have a layer of black grime under them, right? Yeah, I thought so. So, umm, I’m off to shower. More later.

before I go any further…
8:08AM 11/06/2002
I finally have a PHP/MySQL-based site in development!I know that doesn’t necessarily mean anything just as words, but what it’ll mean to the site is that creating a username is more than just that–now it’ll be an account, allowing you to check the site, the board, your POP3 e-mail (I know, weird, right?), and any number of other things right from here. it’s looking pretty cool. And if you’re reading this, I’m going to be asking you to test the crap out of the development environment in the not-too-distant future (next week, maybe). You’ll love it, I swear.

Otherwise, little to report–sort of mediocre last couple of days, a lot of frustration, especially with this site stuff that’s always harder than I think it’ll be, and not enough kickass stuff going on. Still no jobs/prospects realistically on the horizon. A general pain in the ass. But I’m okay, mostly.

long time, long time…
1:01AM 11/05/2002
i feel like a lot of crap has happened since last i updated, but I think this feeling is wrong. It’s been a very chill weekend, nothing for Halloween, nothing Friday night, then a couple of busy hours. Meg’s birthday was pretty rad, all the cats were fun and fancy–Lindsay even came (cool!), so the evening was nice. Katie and Dan had no trouble with their IDs, which is good, so everyone had some fun.
Yesterday was a meeting with Steve about his movie, which should go off fine, especially considering the amount of time that’s going into the planning of the thing. I don’t feel like I have a whole lot to contribute, but I can learn a lot about the way these things get planned by normal people, I guess. I think my ghetto style and general laziness when it comes to everything is a major detriment to my life, and it’s more obvious when i can’t hide behind my imagination. I think this deserves more consideration.
Also, the ill thing from just below will still get discussed the more I know about it. Now’s just not the time.
I’m trying out PHP as best I can and failing miserably, unfortunately, so it’s not soon that you’ll be able to check out my prototype new site. Can you tell that I think I’ll be doing a redesign in the newar future? Well, maybe not so near, but it’s now in the pipeline. I guess someday i should also get a job, huh? that would ease a lot of the financial stress that i’m feeling at the moment. Wouldn’t that be nice?
ill shit
1:02AM 11/02/2002
we’ll talk about it soon….
Happy Halloween
11:57PM 10/31/2002
it’s my favorite holiday of the year today… today is the day when the ghouls come out to play, when imagination in self-expression becomes, for one day, more important than homogeny, when everyone tries hard to be unique, not identical. it’s sort of a fantasy day, brought to us by our friends the pagans, whose traditions won’t die, even after more than 2000 years of global persecution by the single-deity crowd (and the more organized multiple-deity one, too). Bully for them and their damned souls, I say. Whichever one of them invented Halloween gets a gold star in my book.Happy birthday, too, to Aunt Kris–it’s cool to have your birthday and Halloween married together at the end of teh year’s best month. Very cool.

Now I’m off to edit and then play videogames – unemployment is so exciting.

Learn something new every day…
8:14PM 10/30/2002
today, it’s that you can mount .bin files directly to your hard drive as CD-ROM drives. I’m impressed–very impressed. This is because I’m old and come from the days of bin-chunker and extracting to .iso before CDrWin could burn your .iso to CD and finalize, regardless of the size of the .bin… you lost a whole CD. not anymore! Those script kiddies are smart. User-friendly, too.Okay, enough of that. By now, you’ve noticed the whole ‘new logo’ thing that I like so much (including my pic of the week carved my my roommate), but what you haven’t noticed are the changes and additions to the projects and archive sections. They’re just little things, but they add dynamic content access, so you might wanna check them out. Remember a Click of the Week and want to see it again? It’s now accessible from the Archive section. And that’s all for now.

I’m off to install Hitman2 directly from .bin. Heeheehee!

I had this huge long update all prepared
8:03PM 10/29/2002
and then, as is becoming standard, my computer crashed.
Anywau, the news of the moment is that I completed the writing portion of my current Oral Pleasures rewrite a couple of days ago, and after fighting with the printer yesterday basically all day to make it bend to my will and print a copy of the damn script, today I’m ready to take it on and start the edits. I have to read through a couple of times and resolve wierd transitions, fix awkward dialogue, make sure there aren’t any obsolete references and sew in a few of Mike’s jokes from his polish. It’s not going to be a two-minute job, but I hope that by the end of the week, I can be ready to pimp my wares to basically everyone I know. We’ll see what happens.It’s also a weird week for me, considering that Thursday is Halloween and it’s only 2 days away. I have no plans, also odd, since it’s my favorite holiday, but I think that’s for the best this year since recently, Halloween has tended to be a very sexual holiday and my situation this year is a lot different from that of other years in recent memory. We’ll see what happens. Maybe I’ll sit at home and write a short story that day to publish online. It’ll be about something scary, something disturbing, something fitting the holiday, maybe. Or else maybe I’ll just drown my sorrows in beer at the local pub like I do every night. Maybe not that, either.Well, yet another hard day of revision is ahead of me. I need to get a job so i can stop being not creative when I really should be creative and get back to being not creative when there’s no time to breathe, much less create. That’s a good plan, right?
note of interest
8:59PM 10/27/2002
the thing about yesterday is that my dad would have turned 56. So in honor of that, I have up as the pic of the week (only through tomorrow morning) the only four-generation photo I have available to me, complete with tiny little me in the picture. so enjoy it while you can–tomorrow comes Mike’s fantastic halloween jack o’lantern.
a dumb coincidence
10:22PM 10/25/2002
I was cleaning up my desk yesterday and I noticed this: on my desk are computers, cameras, and then magazines about computers and cameras. Does that make me seem obsessed? I think I am a little bit. It’s weird, and it definitely means that I should be working harder to make sure that either computers or cameras pay my bills, directly or indirectly.
9:23AM 10/23/2002
What punishment carries the proper weight when they finally catch this (these) sniper? What action on the part of lawmakers, justice officials and lawyers would be sufficient to demonstrate that what this coward is doing is not okay? The more I read, the sadder I become that my every instinct that this would make a good movie was correct–I feel like I’m an extra, watching a cop thriller unfold from the safety of my home. Kinda makes me want to give up my dreams of film work and becoms a vigilante. I mean, I’m unemployed at the moment, what else am I doing? Maybe I don’t even have to give up my dreams of becoming a filmmakker. Who knows?
i wish i was a girl…
5:24PM 10/22/2002
…so that you would believe me….wait, no. i wish i was a girl so that i could listen to problems that people don’t want solutions for and not always offer them solutions that I know they don’t want. I’m so frustrated right now I could scream. But I won’t because that’d be bad for business. Instead, I’ll shower and wash the negativity away.

Then I’ll go to El Azteca’s.

more random computer crap
8:55AM 10/22/2002
With Julian coming down today to geek out with me for awhile, I figure I’m justified in doing a little geeky shit this morning, esp. since I got up all early and stuff despite a debilitating dizzy spell that I’m just sure means I have some huge brain tumor.Anyway, I cleaned out my Yahoo! e-mail account and reported like 400 e-mails as spam, a move which kinda rocks, but may be irrelevant to the actual usefulness of the address. We’ll see. I’m going to try to be vigilant about the thing so I can use it should I need it. I also backed up my address book on my workstation, and now I’m going to synchronize it with my laptop (a royal pain in the ass, but worthwhile).

Then it’ll be time to go write, which is what I should have been doing all morning. But still, I’m doing stuff, and that’s better than doing nothing.

9:30PM 10/21/2002
yeah, so tonight, i get home, sit down at my computer, and my journal wouldn’t talk to me for like five minutes. Said I’d been ignoring it. I told it, “Well, I’m 26 now, hthings change as you get older, you know, your priorities and stuff. Besides, I was really busy for the last few days.” Well, after a little bickering about the definition of busy (watching movies on the couch IS busy, goddamnit), we’re talking again, but it’s still mad at me. Well, I said I was sorry like 10000 times.Anyway–weekend. Good. Relaxing, fun, mellow, good-for-the-spirit, enjoyable. Got out not one, but both weekend nights, after a fashion, something I hadn’t done in a long time. Friday night was Russ’ friend at a bar where he really took care of us (let us drink for less than 50% tab, and we’re not even girls except Katie). Nice guy. Saturday was movies, cooking (chicken salad, pasta, maybe something else), and sushi with Melody, Julie and their friend Katie (I looked like quite the stud that evening, considering the 4/1 ratio and all). I’m happy to report that my Katie has really warmed to the whole motorcycle thing, and even though it’s a little late in the season, it warms my heart to know that my new favorite mode of transport isn’t being poo-poo’d by my significant other. Sunday, we went up into the country, picked apples, ate and frolicked at a country-type fair that just happened to be going on this weekend–good stuff. The apples led to my first apple sauce this morning–boy, oh boy am I proud. My mom thought I was nuts for asking how you make apple sauce (i guess it’s pretty easy), but it’s important to me that I make it like she did–no ‘someone else’s recipe’ thing for me. Anyway, it turned out great, and I’m turning into quite the domestic so-and-so, all chicken salad and apple sauce and all. i mean, my house smelled like apple sauce today–tell me there’s someplace YOU’D rather go home to than a place that smells like apple sauce. AND my landlords decided that it was time for the heat tonight. Go figure. In other tonight-related news, I saw IGBY GOES DOWN with Megan tonight, and, man, what the hell was the point of making that movie? I mean, I can appreciate the finer points of hating your upbringing and all, but yeesh, could we have at least had a character to like or something? Even an interesting, non-cardboard-cutout one would have worked. Oh well. It wasn’t a terrible 2 hours or nothin’. Then we talked about boy problems (I’m one, her boy is another, so we had lots to talk about), which was nice, because it’s good to talk to someone you know and like about those sorts of things for awhile. Then I rode my bike home. Man, that was cold. But not TOO cold. If I had proper gear, I’d be fine. Helmet first, then leather jacket. Then some other stuff, but first helmet.

I’ve been thinking a lot about how weird I was when I was a kid recently, and I think I should do a series of self-important confessional pieces where I use my junior psych degree from the University of Self-Congraulation to analyze their meanings and their roots.

Okay, that’s a bad idea. I won’t do that. Although I am interested in it, maybe that’ll be private-journal fare. Yeah, this forum should be kept to vaguely-worded inuendo and implication or else irrelevant anecdotes from a life like any other, only easier. I think I need a title. Any suggestions? Enough of this insanity for one night–after this, my journal will refuse to speak to me because I’m a verbose pinhead that thinks that anything that comes out of me must be gold because I’m so damned in love with myself. I’m clever enough to know when to stop this, damnit, and stop this I shall.
Right now.

I just installed PGP
5:54PM 10/17/2002
I guess this means that I’ve finally started to do my part for freedom and security on the internet. Now, if only other people I knew would use the thing. Oh well.

I almost forgot–here is my PGP key, in case you need it. That’s all.

Jared’s birthday
9:37AM 10/16/2002
So today is one of those special days, set aside to honor the birth of my oldest younger cousin Jared. He turns 23 today, adn as that annoying rock singer used to say, “Nobody likes you when you’re 23.” Because of that, I feel badly for him. Otherwise, I don’t feel so badly for him because for one day only, he gets to be king of the realm. So happy birthday, king.I’ve gotten to thinking recently, since this day has been coming up for awhile now, thinking about milestones and moments. I’m no longer a quarter of a century old–I’ve passed that mark. Disturbingly enough, if I was my father, I’d be in the halfway point of my entire life right now. Somehow, that one year difference seems pretty huge right now. Granted, I’m not my dad and I intend to live to be 101 or something insane, but you never know, I guess. It’s an interesting way to face the day. The thing I keep thinking about recently is the fact that no matter how long we’re going to live, every second of our lives, we’ve already lived our whole life. I don’t know if that makes sense written that way, so I’ll come at it from a different angle. Taking the assumption that none of us is guaranteed anything, every advancing second of our life is the last one we have–we’re living life one last second at a time. When a minute passes into another, the one just elapsed becomes the second to last minute of our lives. This keeps happening continuously, in such volume that it makes the measurement insignificant, even. I guess that’s where assumptions about our continued lives come in–i mean, if i survive this-freaking-many last seconds, doesn’t it stand to reason that I can survive maybe a million more? I mean, I’m good at this whole survival thing. But there are no promises. Me not being my father doesn’t promise me 101 full years. There is no promise, and keeping that mindset seems to add a sense of urgency to the ever-passing moments of life. Shang Tsung says “Treasure these moments as if they were your last” and to him I say, “They are my last” –each one is my last until it is replaced with a new last. Sooner or later, I know, you are given one, distinct moment for people to count as your last, but until that one, there are innumerable others just like it save for the fact that they get replaced regularly with another tick of the clock.

Anyway, I guess the message of the day for Jared’s birthday is to treasure these moments because they are your last–each and every one.

I meant to mention
7:09PM 10/15/2002
–NYPD 0, Me 2. Yesterday on the way home from impromptu WriteClub, I narrowly avoided another ticket on my bike. I’d better keep this streak alive until at least I get another job. And until the New Jersey thing blows over.–Today, 16 pages and finished the second act of Oral Pleasures. I’ve gotta give the whole thing a re-read so i can intelligently proceed into the final act. That, too, will be entirely re-written. I intend to have it comlete by Friday the 25th. Here’s hoping.

Ninjai is back up! It got a little boring, but it’s still awesome. Tell me what you think on my board.

–Krol says he’s drawing Venture, and it’s really tough not to bug him about it because I’m sort of at a lack for things to bother people about. It’d be a good break from O.P. to be able to work on the VENTURE text, but, alas, I must wait.

That’s all for now.

when it’s cold
12:02PM 10/14/2002
when it’s cold, i walk around with my hands down my pants so i can warm them up.when it’s warm, i walk around with my hands down my pants because it feels good.

I am a sick bastard. But I updated the homepage a little, and I’m considering a complete revamp, just for the hell of it. That’s all for now.

lest you think i forgot
11:13AM 10/14/2002
another update, although i’m not sure what there is to update about.
–Long Island. What’s to say? Equal parts discomfort and happiness–not a great ratio, but passable, considering that it’s been done for the greater good. I didn’t sleep very well there, but it’s nothing to do with enviorns and everything to do with schedule, I think. Anyway, two chick flicks ended up the weekend (Tuck Everlasting and Sweet Home Alabama), and I love to see movies.
Today it’s all about finally getting some laundry done (maybe), showering, and relaxing. Maybe tonight I’ll catch Knockaround guys or finish the end of Memento. We’ll see.
promises, promises
10:32AM 10/11/2002
I promised updates for yesterday, but i failed to deliver. So here, among the bodies, I survey the carnage and tell you what I see.
–First of all, it’s going to rain all through October. Mostly, I don’t care about this, but it means that during the last good temperatures to ride my bike, the weather is too damn bad to ride. God is, indeed, a bastard.
–Second of all, I’ve been writing like a madman in the last few days, a bunch of pages of script, a bunch of pages of journal (including an insane rant from nowhere last night that talked about how the MTA owes me an epiphany) and a bunch of random things (e-mail, notes, lists) and it’s making my hands hurt. Why have I been afflicted with the writer’s curse recently? Why isn’t a few pages of creativity a day good enough? I feel like I could sit at the computer and just type from now until tomorrow and not say everything. The sad part is that I don’t even know what “everything” is.
–Third is that there’s a little renaissance going on on my board at the moment. Since Shawn found me yesterday, I’m finally feeling established (someone googled me and found our little community–that’s amazing). Now, the trick is going to be creating a community out of the mishmash and making it so that everyone feels like they at least vaguely know everyone else.
–Fourth, I’m thinking about joining Netflix even though I don’t have a job. What better time to watch DVDs than when one is jobless?
I’m sure there’s more, but I can’t remember it now. Maybe more will come later. I’m going to be in Long Island this weekend, going to a party and getting rained on, but no matter what, I’m going to listen to Emily’s radio show on Monday morning.
That’s all for now–thanks for reading.
stressful day
11:55PM 10/09/2002
although i was relatively stressed out today (relationships, money, jobs, creativity), I think the end result was a positive one: I finally overcame the block on the scene 36+ rewrite that I’m working on and should have the new draft done early tomorrow morning. There’s more on my mind, but I’m too cold to detail it all now. I’ll do it tomorrow morning when i’m cold instead.
what is strength?
6:47PM 10/07/2002
I’m wondering a lot about that recently, considering all the things that I’ve been given to think about. Now, my 6am call for tomorrow makes me think about it in a different light. This time, it’s “Okay, I have to get upat 4:30 to get through the traffic and craziness, then I have to ork on set all day…” it’s a weird thing for me, this day-work, because it’s so hard to get motivated. I mean, here it is, almost seven, and I’ve been doing an abysmal job writing my screenplay today. I was supposed to be putting pages behind me, closing in on that goal of the finished draft, but instead, i socialized on the phone and on IM and hardly wrote a thing. That’s not strength. That’s weakness, laziness or fear. It’s something that’s not good, and it’s inside of me in a big way. At the moment, I feel like I need to be strong enough to help support all the people I know and love who have it a lot worse than I do, and with these insidious things inside me, derailing my best intentions, I’m not ever going to be strong enough.
Geh. I guess, if nothing else, this feeling has sort of inspired me to keep my shit together, tighter even, this week than last. Last night, talking through some problems, I made the resolution that today I will work out, today I will write, today I will have my shit together like no other day. And it started out well. But how easily I forget. And thinking about 4:30 makes me exhausted already. Working means no writing, that much is certain, so I guess it’s my job to utilize my remaining hours (very few, if i’m to get any decent amount of sleep) to continue work on my script. I’ll leave the computer, however, and do some work offline, because it’s time to write new content and before I do that, I should figure out where it’s going. I find it easier if i can stream-of-consciousness it all out by hand first, then stick it into some formatting and call it a screenplay.
Tomorrow, at least, I should be able to work out before hopping on my bike to get to work. Then I’ll be stronger than I am today.
Burrito night, NYC #1, successful
9:50AM 10/06/2002
Although I think I grossly misrepresented it to my friends and their friends, burrito night NYC was a pretty good time. I don’t think anyone didn’t have a good time, but I think most eveeryone expected a party with a lot of people and a lot more debauchery. I like those parties and all, but last night and burritos were exactly what we needed. Next time, though, I think Burrito Night needs to be less advertised and more underground. We’ll just feed whoever’s around at the last moment or some such.
Burrito Night starts slow
7:20PM 10/05/2002
damn New Yorkers and their inability to get anywhere before nine–i sit, hungry, waiting for nine. Things been busy, I guess, but fine.
12:24PM 10/03/2002
Here’s an update that i wrote today at work–it’s pointless and stupid, i know, but sometimes I just have to write. Since I wrote this, a bunch of other stuff has happened, I met with Steve about his short film, I went to the hospital with an extra, wandered around the East Village at work.
Okay, read the insanity–more updates tomorrow.
short updates
9:41PM 10/01/2002
Friday: leave for camping/camping
Saturday: dry off from friday/camping
Sunday: Camping/Canoeing
Monday: Camping/packing/home/returning phone calls/sleeping
Tuesday: Working
Wow. There’s an essay about how, again, I’m different from everyone in the universe, a total social outcast while at once being a hardheaded bastard and a spineless wimp, but that essay will have to wait until my second of two days of work is over tomorrow and I go to my first production meeting for a short that I’m going to be working on.
Today was an interesting day on the set of an untitled NYC TV pilot for the FX Netwark. I was a set PA, and I enjoyed it. Now I have to go to sleep because in a scant six hours I shall be awake again to go back to work. More update to come, I promise.