After the break

Handsome Devil!
Mar 13
Yeah, so there he is. I think this should be his headshot, but I bet he won’t agree with me. Hi there, studmuffin.

Anyway, check out my Manhattan at night on March 11th pictures, complete with reference photo from that morning. Amazing shots, if I do say so myself, and, even though you have to suffer through low quality images, I thought you might be interested in seeing the haunting effects that the lights had. In a lot of ways, they were hard to look at because of what they represented. Very nice tribute, tho, IMO.

Missed me?
Mar 13
There’s been a lot going on, and although I’ve wanted to update, I haven’t been able to. I’ll try to update more when I get a minute later. There’s a lot to say.
Venture notes
Mar 07
So I bore you with more venture notes. I want to slice one sheet from the final VENTURE, ISSUE1, but I don’t think I can, due to the complex nature of even-numbered pages being required for correct printing. Damn. And I was all looking forward to having to create less crap. We’ll see what we do about that–very likely, we’ll do what we did for the first run and do the credits/intro in the front, and a splash page at the back. Next time, we’ll be able to run a letters page and things. We’ll see what happens.
Mar 06
Just thought I’d check in and tell you that ORAL PLEASURES is clocking in at a lean, mean, 103 pages (23 pages thinner than it was in its last form) and the drafting is complete. I’ll almost definitely need to go back and add some snippets of stuff here and there, but I think it’ll weigh in well under 110, even in its final form. Oh joy, oh rapture. Now I can get an eye or two to read it and tell me where the weakest places are before I try anything funny. Then it’s third revision (maybe even a third full draft) and we’ll go from there.

All hail retired porn stars and wannabe gangsters!

Random crap
Mar 05
this is from an e-mail that I wrote earlier. I have no idea where it came from, but the subject matter interests me. Onwards.

“As for your Darwinism thoughts, I offer this: Darwin posited that the creature most fit to survive would be the one that got to procreate and continue the species. That means two things–first, if you are indeed surviving and thriving, you must be part of that group most fit to survive. Second, if you ARE in that “fit-to-survive” group, you should be having lots and lots of sex, not necessarily to continue the species, but to /practice/ continuing the species.

Of course, some scholars (myself included) would argue that human civilization was, at its inception, designed to thwart the then-undiscovered theory of “survival of the fittest” and that it’s succeeded famously. Now what we have, these scholars would argue, is a society that nurtures the weakest links, in an effort to equalize the populace. In an unfortunate turn of events, though, the weakest links in the chain had developed their own survival method long before society grew up to protect them. This survival method was to have tons of equally-weak offspring and know that, through the law of averages, some of them would survive. Bad news for society, now that we’re keeping these weak links alive through societally-implemented safeguards.”

Why the hell do I write this stuff? Damn. This was time this morning that I could have been sleeping or working on Venture or even working out.

Mar 04
Check here for videos of me getting thrown on the floor nine distinct times. Yeah. Actual project editing is coming along, too–first spot edited, no sound yet. Give me a digital pat on the back or dressing down on my board once you’ve seen the footage. I’m interested in your feedback.
A funny thing happened on the way to Monday morning
Mar 03
So I just got a call from some mysterious woman, which was a little unpleasant, because the call was on my cell phone (for which I pay minutes), the person on the other end was not very nice, and this means that someone has given out my cell phone number. Geh. That’s unpleasant. So if it was you, please don’t do it again. This, actually, was a tiny part of my cool weekend.

We shot our fight scene yesterday, first of all. Seven hours of pain and suffering, as well as a few kicks and punches (that caused the pain, really) were what it cost us. Now we edit and edit hard. I’m hoping that we can manage a few effects, but this rests heavily on the goodwill and willingness of Allan.
Also this weekend, Mike and I made it out to Culture Club (the most accessable, least-pretentious club in New York) with Melody, Julie and her friend from Florida (whose name I forget at the moment) and it was a good time. It’s always a good time when we go out with the girls.

Anyway, all-in-all, it was a good weekend, even though after the fighting yesterday I was basically useless.

Pre-judging vs pre-paration
Feb 28
This is the shortest month of the year, making my rent-per-day average all high and shit. Oh well. Anyway, lease and new month’s rent is due tomorrow, but I think I’ll pay it tonight just for good measure. But this isn’t the point of this rant. The point of this rant is this:

I’ve paid attention to the activities of New York women since I’ve moved here, and I’ve reached certain conclusions. The pertinent conclusion here is that New York women ain’t into me. Why, then, am I going on a date (for what it’s worth) tonight with someone I’m certain can’t stay interested in me for more than a few minutes?

Okay, well, it’s been hours and hours and I don’t care about this thread anymore. But I think the answer is that I try hard to make each decision based on all the information–not just some of it. So I go out. And I try to have fun. Maybe this girl won’t even hate me. We can hope.

Slashdot moderator
Feb 27
Yup. That’s me. 2x in 2 weeks, even. I’m a machine. Now, if only I had one of those low-ass numbers as my member number, then I’d be cool. Oh well.
Also in the news is the fact that I’ve said I’d likely go to a story slam tonight but now I don’t want to go. It’s lame, because I’ve even thought of a funny story that I could tell (in which my brother, the brilliant physicist, is the villain). It wouldn’t win, but it would show the people I’d be going with that I’m not afraid of performance. All-in-all, I’d rather be doing karaoke.
Feb 24
So what does a boy do to get himself back on an even keel when he’s fallen head over heels for someone, only to find out that there was no way that she’d ever feel the same way? It’s all about footing, I think, and in this case, i lack the level ground that I like to have. I’ve been thinking about this quite a bit over the last few weeks, and I can’t seem to put my fingers on what the real problem is. As I said to Krol while he was here, I fall in love (a loose definition of love, really) too easily and in a moment, I can play out all sorts of scenarios and the like when nothing could ever actually happen. This particular case is more a situation in which I inhabit a totally separate world from the world inhabited by this girl, and there’s no way she’d deign to date me, but somehow, the facts don’t seem to matter. It’s not even that real to me–more a question about footing in general than about a particular relatioonship–I wonder, when sometimes I’m on the other end of the equation, how to make the other person feel comfortable with their place. I just don’t know. This is all rambling that has nothing to do with Venture or Oral Pleasures or anything else that actually matters, so you can ignore it all. If you’re feeling creative, head to the board and try to help us out of our current creative quandry.
Happy Birthday, Pooch!
Feb 23
So today’s the day. I can’t call you because you’re in CT, discussing business with an old friend. I’m a little confused (as you were mean enough to whet my appetite a couple of days ago, then you dropped the subject like a hot potato), but that’s okay. I hope your birthday is a fantastic one, and drive safely.

In other news, I fixed my door today, but the door itself is still all fucked up. Maybe it’s time for a new door. Can I do that?

and another thing.
Feb 22
Check out my first video project in what feels like a million years. It’s the start of what I hope will be a much larger effort–video credits for Max Bickford. It might be fun. And it’s encouraging me to put some video on the internet again. Finally.

In related news, there are (and will continue to be, really) minor changes around the site. I haven’t pointed them out so much, but some are major (and were difficult) like the framed board and the spin-off of the Venture site and some are minor, like the ongoing changes to the main page. Feedback is always appreciated, of course.

Finally back…
Feb 22
Sometime last night, Clapboard came back after like 40 hours of downtime. Think my host will reimburse me for time lost? Doubtful. Anyway, here’s what I wrote that I wanted to post yesterday but couldn’t because I couldn’t log in.

there are things that I try to remember that I want to put on my web page next time I’m updating. these are things that i almost always forget. This morning, for example, I was thinking about things that I was going to do today, and, while I knew that my website was down, I knew that as soon as it went back up, I would want to have an update ready because it’d had been some days again, and I hate that. Maybe it’s time to get some wireless plan together that would allow me to dial in to an ISP and use my PC on the fly. We’ll see. That’s not really the problem, though—the problem is lack of time/inclination when I’m in front of my PC and I know it. Also, I don’t have anything interesting to report, complain about, or even rant about when I do sit down to work. Ah well, the trials of being me. Anyway, Kurt’s two weeks here are almost up. They’ve been fun and relatively productive, and lead me to know that it is still important to me to work with talented and dedicated people.
I’m in the process of learning about text bubbles and the like in Illustrator10 so i can finish the edits to Venture, issue one. It’s about that time, I think, for this thing to be out of my pipeline and into someone else’s world.

All good things must come to an end…
Feb 18
After a relatively-productive weekend, I feel two ways: satisfied and sore. Satisfied, because I read Mark’s script, worked more on the CGI for my board, updated Stoney Bank Nursery’s site (here), re-worked Venture1 and wrote most of Venture7. Sore because I worked out. It was also satisfying to work out, but damn, if the soreness doesn’t, at least for now, overshadow my satisfaction.
I haven’t re-worked DSF and I haven’t finished my edits to ORAL PLEASURES, but at least I’ve been doing some of the things that are perennially on my lists.
I also managed to get out a little this weekend and see some friends, which is always fun. I feel as though I took good advantage of my time, balancing relaxation with productivity pretty well.
The girl you see here is some internet chick who’s somehow related to Penny-Arcade, and Krol decided to draw her and send her a pic. I figured I’d post her image, too, cause it looks cool.
What dreams may come…
Feb 15
In another of my attempts to convince Kurt that the best thing for him would be to move here, I’ve managed to convince myself of the brilliance of a scheme that keeps us in Bay Ridge. I know that it’s far from the city, but it’s secure and it’s inexpensive, and it has almost all the hallmarks of the great ideas that I’ve wanted to incorporate into my next place to live. This idea has everything but proximity to the city. I have yet to sell Kurt on the idea, and our fourth (who I have in mind but haven’t approached yet) isn’t at all certain, but I think it’s do-able. Keep checking here for updates on this (and the rest) hare-brained scheme. Happy weekend.
Also, if I owe you an e-mail, I’ll try to get to it this weekend. Things move slower when we have long-term guests and new duties at work.
Valentine’s Update
Feb 14
So here we are, already Valentine’s Day, 2002. Oh, how time flies. Krol has been here since Sunday afternoon. Last night, Nicole cut his cookie into a heart for Valentine’s day. That was very sweet of her. So I think Kurt and I are going to have to find something different to do than try to find two girls to marry us because neither of us is ready to get into such a long-term sort of arrangement. Anyway, I’m trying to complete a few projects in the next little while, and, while I haven’t been as sucessful as I would have liked, nothing is impossible, and I think things are coming along. DSF has even seen some movement, this time in the form of creative growth for the story arc and characters. And maybe we even have a name or two….
Two for one day
Feb 10
check out the board–some cool changes to be seen there. This is a step towards the new world order of Clapboard to be implemented slowly over the next couple of weeks. But Krol inspired me to work on the thing (and I had a great idea) so I did some stuff. Take a look.
Another busy week
Feb 10
I try again to crack down on my non-updating self, but it’s been a very busy few days. My sister and Kelly came up this weekend, meeting me at work on Friday night. Of course, I already had plans on Friday night, so I had to leave the girls at my place while I went out. I think it was okay with them, though, because they seemed very tired from their busy week. My week ended last week with me moving over to do clearances and product placement, a job that I don’t particularly want to do, but one that pays me 25% more per day, so I can’t complain, especially since it’s a temporary switch while Olga gets married.
Last night, Emily, Kelly and I went out to get sushi and had a good time–both girls tried their first bites of sushi and I’m proud of them.
Today, the girls left and Krol showed up, ready to replace me for the next couple of weeks at work. I worked some with Russ on our Bickford script, which is awesome, and then headed back here and wrote the initial treatment for Venture7. Time to finish that arc if it kills me.
I’m hoping that the insane busy-ness that has invaded my job for the last three weeks (with the one exception of last tuesday) will subside this week and allow me to get some things that I’ve been trying to do done. Kurt being here should at least help to give me some focus, since he’s integrally connected with Venture and I feel like I owe it to him to get off my ass and do something with the amazing pages he’s given me. Calls out to Harold the printer first thing tomorrow morning, anyway, to see what he thinks about my work.
First of all, happy birthday to my mom…
Feb 5
First of all, happy birthday to my mom. I know it’s not the easiest of birthdays (I think that one might be 18 or 21), but there’s a lot still to learn, experience, and do. Here’s hoping that this year brings the rebirth of joy and hope. It will certainly contain love.

On my mind recently has been the fluid nature of friendship. I find myself increasingly wondering if the weirdness of friendship is a construct of the adult world or just a naturally-evolving organism that has never reared its mysterious head to me before. I look upon my friendships, both past and present, and I wonder what connects them all. I also wonder if by plotting the points at which people decided that I no longer fit into their lives I could learn some greater truth about myself. I think that in a lot of ways, the people that choose to be around me shape my consciousness, and as much as I would like to believe that I choose the people with whom I am close, I have the creeping—and ever-present—suspicion that the facts are really exactly the opposite of that. Now, rationalism tells me that one’s friends can only choose one 50% of the time, because in every relationship there are two people (in great relationships there can be three or more, but this isn’t the place for that kind of talk), and each has to choose the other as s friend. By choose, I don’t mean to say that the decision is always (or even often) an active one—no, most of the time I think it’s passive on both accounts. Friendships seem forged by the ease of conversation, the comfort-levels of the silences, and the confluences of habits and entertainment. There are people in my life with whom friendship comes so easily that I can hardly define what keeps us together so tightly. There are people with whom I used to get along who have chosen to leave my circle and left me confounded. I can’t remember ever choosing to erase someone from my list of friends, so I can’t understand the motivation for doing it, but I can only guess that maybe I did some unspeakable act or something that I wasn’t aware of. It’s this kind of thing that makes me wonder. There was a time a little more than a year ago when some of my oldest friends decided (some independently, even) that they didn’t want my company anymore, and then dropped me from their lists. This has happened one time again, this time on a much smaller and less important scale, since then, and somehow, it bothered me anyway. I think part of it is that someone with whom I was friends for ten years can never really be someone I don’t care about, and I will always be happy for their successes, and, should the time come that they want me as a friend again, I know we can manage it. It’s the newer people, the ones I don’t know as well or care as much about, that stick to me at the moment. I think it’s because I’m not used to not caring if someone wants me as a friend or not, but since these people are newer in my life, I’m much more likely to chalk them up to people who were too shallow (or unwilling) to consider me as a real friend. Some, maybe, were misfires—people that I couldn’t have gotten along with anyway, for any length of time, and were thus doomed to fall away. But they’re not all like that. Also, what of the people that I have fallen out of touch with over time due to the distance of space and time? I wonder what effort and imagination that kind of relationship requires, and what it would mean to try to maintain some kind of link across the ether. I think, in this case, specifically of friends now abroad whom I have no idea how next I’ll see. Also in this category are the people that I’ve lost, having met them on trips and lost them to the sheer size of the United States.

So what’s to be done? Awareness is the best defense, I think. There’s nothing else I can do, really—I can just be aware of what’s going on in my head and in my life and try to reconcile the two to the best of my ability.

I also notice, reading one of the few things that I have written by my dad, how strikingly similar my writing style is to the way his was. It makes me wish I had more of his missives. I wonder if writing style (or feel for the language or something) is genetic somehow. That’s a rant for another day.

Here, kid, have a Cigar
Feb 5
A producer just gave me a cigar just for being in the right place at the right time. There were a bunch of assistants doing random shit and this producer just came in and gave a few of us cigars. My first cigar. It’s Cuban.
Message Board Fixed!
Feb 3
And this is my friend Paula in Australia on her graduation day. I knew that if I didn’t put the thing about the board in the headline, no one would notice. It’s a little late for congratulations (this stuff all happened a couple of weeks ago), but I’ll say it anyway–congrats!

As the week begins (and the Patriots try to stay ahead in the superbowl), I consider the things that have to be on my list of things to do. There will have to be writing (Venture, Oral Pleasures, Bickford, and DSF) at the top of the list–maybe the only thing on my list. That seems like a lot of writing. If I wasn’t so tired, I’d start that list tonight.

Superbowl Sunday
Feb 3
Well, it’s been a weird weekend. I left right from work for Allentown on Friday at about eight PM, which got me here around ten. About a half an hour after I got here, I got a call from my roommate asking me if I had been home before i got here, which, of course I hadn’t. Turns out that we had a break-in at my apartment. What the hell. Long story short, someone kicked in our door, went through one of Mike’s drawers and through my file cabinet, and left without taking a thing. Now, I’m writing this from Drew’s place in Allentown, so I can’t be sure that nothing is gone, but Jesus—no DVDs, no computers, no CD players or CDs, not even any alcohol that we had stocking our fridge. So what the hell does it all mean? God only knows, I guess.

Anyway, I’ve had a good time this weekend (despite being an insensitive ass and bringing up the topic of relationships and women around Drew’s ex-girlfriend while we were out drinking), but the whole time there has been this pall over my mind as I wonder about the break-in and what I’m going to do to make sure that it doesn’t happen again. One thing? Renter’s insurance. If I had an internet connection here, I’d be researching it right now. Another? I’m going to put the lock back on my house myself. And something else, but I don’t know what it is right now.