After the break

Andrew is here…
10:14AM 06/02/2002
…and I’m trying my hardest not to get sick. I need to rush out and get that stuff that people take to NOT get sick, but I forget what it is. Someone will know…but whom?
Anyway, I made an exciting decision yesterday, one that involves a lot of money (at least for me), and I’ll tell you all about it when the deal’s done. I have to wait for the deal to be done because things like this sometimes fall through. Anyway.
Umm, now it’s time to look for apartments for Drew in Houston and maybe even an accessory or two for my new thing. Cool?
out of necessity…
10:36AM 06/01/2002
…these updates are coming immediately one after the other. Man, I’ve been busy, and I’m so out of touch that I’m almost inclined to spend $60/month to get internet here. Oh, how addicted I am. Tonight, I think I sign up for the service to hook the cell to the laptop. It’s just better than a short-term $60/month charge for this current gig. Then I’ll have better weekends and things. Good stuff.
So 13 hours of work really ran me down yesterday, but, I’m proud to say, not enough to get me to cancel my plans to get a drink with Melody in Union Square last night. Melody is eternally cool for meeting with me in between arriving from Florida and departing for Venice in an 18-hr period.
Tonight, Drew comes. I’ll subject him to various hilarity tonight, then terrible stuff tomorrow, such as mad-crazy laundry and new server work. But if it’s nice, I bet we can also toss the frisbee around in the park or something. It’d be good to get outside for a purpose other than running someone else’s errands.
Weird…
10:35AM 06/01/2002
So my friend Paula is getting married to the flyboy that she went to visit in Cali about a month ago. A visit that started out ill-planned and unhappy has turned out really well for her. *I* am a little sad about the whole thing, but only in that selfish sort of way that speaks of my relative immaturity. I’m very glad that she’s happy, but now that she’s about to be someone’s wife, it means that I’ll likely never see her again. And she’s such a nice girl. Ah well, we’ll always have, uhm, Prague.
In other news, I’m considering writing the DSF prequel out in prose and seeing if I can get the thing read by a bunch of people that way. Over the past two years, I’ve evolved into this guy that seems to think that nothing is finished until it has images to go along with it, and I’m not sure that guy is entirely right. Prose certainly has its time and place, and maybe its place is here, with this project, and maybe its time is now. I’ve certainly been stripping out a lot of the extraneous detail from the narrative to streamline it for comic production, which should thin it out some, make it tighter and faster if I *do* decide to make it into a short story. Who reads short stories? Anyone that would care about the history that it set up later? I wonder.
again and again!
6:44AM 05/30/2002
I slept awfully last night–at this rate, I’ll b lucky to make it through the week. Man. Also, I’m given to introspection in a big way recently, and I wonder if it’s a cause of, or caused by my inability to write stuff. But, man, have I been prolific in my book. Now, if i could only translate that to something useful.
quickie
6:33AM 05/29/2002
I slept terribly last night and I don’t know why. Today, I feel slightly off-center, and I hope it gets better, and fast.
WriteClub was productive, and I gave Russ some things to look at, including initial re-workings of RAPTURE and the DSF comic project (which may or may not ever get made, but I want to have it written anyway). We even hatched a harebrained scheme to get something going on a HUGE level, but I don’t want to jinx it by talking about it. Perhaps the trick will be to get someone other than me to give my script to the powers that be. I don’t know. More on that later. I’m off to work where I hope I can get internet access today. We’ll see how the winds of goodwill go.
are we doing enough?
9:49PM 05/27/2002
Russ asks an interesting question: are we doing enough to make sure that we don’t fail?
It’s a good question, because the answer is almost always “no.” I mean, if we have to ask, the answer must be no, right? Well, it’s tricky.
But, as I’m sure you’re sick of reading, I’m working on it. I put up a techlist homepage prototype this weekend, which is a step in the right direction. I finished the script to the movie I’m currently on so I’ll have a clue about what’s happening in that world. I started a new book, too, one full of interesting facts about Australia (Paula sent it to me a long time ago). That should help me gain a little more distance and perspective. I need that distance and perspective at the moment. I need it to understand my projects and my place in them. I need it to understand that sometimes things fail and have nothing to do with me. I need it for lots of reasons.
It makes me happy that the people that I know tend to be smart, but it makes me sad when they get high-maintenance because of it. Man. That’s okay, though, because I’m just tired, of course. I wrote too much today, I’m sorry.
Imagine.
12:26PM 05/27/2002
Interesting thing about lazy weekends: they have the capacity to get interesting at a moment’s notice.
Kara called me yesterday afternoon. Weird because I was pretty sure that she’d never call me again. Weirder still was the fact that she was 1) in New York, 2) had been here since Friday, and 3) kind of wanted me to go up to the city to meet her and her friend. I was pretty suprised, but I also wanted to see her, so I put aside any irritation that rose when I realized that she was calling me and I went. I’m glad I went. I’m good at not holding a grudge, and I had a good time because of it, and I’m glad that Kara and I could get back into our interesting dynamic so fast so well. She’s a good kid (can I still call my friends kids without insulting them? My gut tells me no, but my heart still wants to call them kids, so…), and it’s good to have her as a friend.
Kara’s friend, let’s call her A, hated me. Interesting dynamic because I think the wine helped her not give a shit whether she was offending me or not, and I really liked that. It’s not often that a stranger with whom you share a mutual friend makes no attempt to hide the fact that she made no attempt to like you. As far as it went, A wasn’t entirely unpleasant, and it seemed like as long as things were about her directly, she was happy. When we veered a little off that favored topic, rancor bubbled to the surface.
People who know me know that I am good at a couple of things. I’m not wrong to be supremely confident in my people skills and in my ability to help drive a conversation that includes two people. The only time I’ve driven it to debacle was playgroup with Shaun and Justin, and I think, in retrospect, that it wasn’t really my fault. I was just too damn young to understand the dynamic that was playing out there. I mean, Shaun and I are oldest children and Justin is an only and 9 months older than Shaun and I are, so we’re dealing with three specific types of personality. Add to that an unhappy parental situation in one of the cases and you’ve got a strange brew. And man, did I fail that test. I think to this day Shaun is probably afraid of Justin. And, oddly enough, Shaun grew into the biggest of all of us. Back to topic. What the hell was my point? Nothing, I guess, except that it was interesting and kinda cool getting to see someone not like me in real time as opposed to getting a feeling and then reconstructing it in hindsight with the dubious help of veiled statements from your mutual friend.
To be fair, I guess I did waltz in and dry up the attention that the girls were loving from the italian waiters. I probably also ruined a lot of potential meetings with sailors, too, being that this is fleet week until like tomorrow. If you’re in A’s shoes, you’re probably going to resent some asshole damming the river of flirtation that you drank from at will, too.
Part of me wishes that it wasn’t nice today because I’d kind of like to just sit inside and try to install RedHat on my new server box (yeah, right) and just kick around. But the sun and the temperature compel me to try to get outside some. I think I need to plan some outdoor activities sometime in the not-too-distant future as a way to ensure that I’ll be outside doing things. It’s good to have this weekend to hang out, though, considering how tired I’ve been.
Sunday comes…
8:47AM 05/26/2002
Man.
I’ve been quite unlike myself lately. I’ve been having weird dreams, I’ve been cranky and antisocial and I’ve been completely unable to write. What unpleasantness is this? Some of it I know i can attribute to the new gig. The hours and the pace are unfamilliar, and the learning curve is steep, leaving me both tired and drained by the end of the day. I think another part of my issue is lack of practice. I haven’t been working feverishly on something recently (not since our VENTURE rejection) and I think it’s easy to let that momentum end, which is what I’ve done, to a large extent. Also in the running is the possibility that these things just happen. There are creative dry spells sometimes and I’m just in one.
Whatever the explanation, it’s kind of an unpleasant time to be me, at least as far as the way I’m used to doing things goes. Having no internet connection at work throws me off, too, and I don’t like it. I don’t like not being able to be in touch, even infrequently, at work. Considering how long I’m there, I don’t think that’s so unfair to complain about.
All complaining aside, I noticed something interesting about my projects on friday. That interesting thing is this: they’re almost all in some ‘reconsideration’ phase. Examples: VENTURE–reconsidering the art and the style. All text and effect work will have to be redone. DSF the comic project–if it’s not dead, it’s certainly hanging by a thread. It’s getting a rewrite so that it’s much more dense and layered, and I think I’ve figured out the ending, too. RAPTURE–a scr1pt that I haven’t touched in a long time because I didn’t think it was very good has found new life recently when I went on my ill-fated b-movie kick. I think I’m getting close to figuring out how to make it a readable scr1pt, if only this damn creative drought would end.
I’ll read another book this week and keep myself from forcing the issue, and then after that book is done I’ll force the issue. I can make myself write (see the pages from that super ill-fated road b-movie i wrote–where did that even think it was going? Man.
Anyway, today I have to write checks and I have to do laundry. Maybe I’ll also take some pictures. I have those Maxim reprints to pick up today, but I think I’ve decided that e-bay is just too damn much trouble. I should look into it, just in case. I should also look into the motorcycle thing, but since the as went in the paper today, I bet I missed it. Of course, $5k is way more than I’d like to spend on something right now. Of course, it would create a payment history for myself…. Damn quandaries. Maybe today I could also go through some of that weird video I shot and use some of it for something. It’d be nice to put something else up on my site.
Okay, I’ve made you read enough. It’s time to move on. Thanks for reading.
springtime. the heat is on in my apartment.
9:14PM 05/22/2002
and all the windows are open. At the moment, I want nothing more than to lie naked in the dark and let the night overwhelm me. I think, however, that if I don’t write something (anything, really), I’ll implode first. There’s a lot on my mind, and I don’t even know what half of it is.
You know something is weird when you’ve been alone for all of 30 minutes, you’re exhausted, and you can barely stop yourself from making a half a dozen phone calls just so you can avoid being lonely. I’m not even sure I am lonely. It’s weird that way. I love being here, I love being able to wander around naked if I want, I love not hearing the TV and not worrying if the electronic music is too irritating, but at the same time, I loathe the lack of conversation.
The more I write, the more I wonder if my craving, at least at this moment, for conversation has anything to do with wanting to drown out the voices in my head, the thoughts telling me things that maybe I don’t want to hear. If I could only stop tyoing, maybe I’d hear them.
Yeah.
Anyway, I also wonder if there aren’t a lot of pent up creative juices in my head trying to find solace on the page. I wonder if that haas anything to do with my weird feelings. I wonder if it’s the exhaustion from trying to learn so much so fast (and I must say that I’m doing well with the names, too–yay for me). I wonder if it’s not some weird, latent thing related to relationships and springtime. I’m feeling more and more like I’ve been cutting my own options and potential off at the root and now the flower is dying just when I want to smell it most. Whoa, that was an overwhelmingly dumb metaphor. So stupid, in fact, that I won’t even try to get out of it. I think I’ll just leave it there as firther proof of my malaise. Besides, you get the picture.
Okay, well, it’s time for me to set my alarm and go to sleep. By my count, I am owed some hours in bed and I intend to collect immediately. Thanks for reading, sorry to put you through it, and try to get through the drivel below, too. I must have needed to write today. Now, if only I could get to some fiction.
from the trenches
8:32PM 05/22/2002
just having gotten home, I’m going to post exactly what I scribbled at work, figuring that I’ll have something more intelligent to say later. Read on. what the hell is “above the line” in the film industry?

The new gig, while interesting, is keeping me on my toes as far as making me always try to come up with new and interesting ways to look busy. My back is to the room, and for those of you that don’t know me all that well, I don’t mind telling you that it bothers me to no end that people are always able to look over my shoulder, that I can’t see what’s happening. I mean, for a visual guy, this is torture. What it means in a more sort of imaginary way is that I live thinking that people are always reading what I’m writing, always checking out my screen. It’s unsettling.
Now, five hours later, the word comes down that perhaps we aren’t staying here (“we” is Peter, the other PA and myself), but moving into the ante-room, the entryway, if you will. While this could sound like a terrible idea, like they’re moving us into the super-high traffic area, the place where delivery boys and mail all comes, and it’s true. But moving there would be a major improvement, I think, for a series of reasons. Here are three: first, the lighting is better. Never underestimate the power and importance of good lighting. Second, my back will get to be to a wall. No more ninjas sneaking up behind me. Third, I’ll be out of the eyeline. This one is amazingly important to the life of a PA–never underestimate it.
–I had tasty treats for dinner last night at Megan & Lindsay’s house, and even though it meant that I couldn’t catch Russ, it was worth it. M&L are very good about planning in advance. Besides that, I’m pretty sure Russ has no interest in catching up with me, having moved past his “I need film-makers in my life” phase. I’m not sure if he’s still mad at me about New Years’ 2001 or not, and i guess it doesn’t matter. It sucks that we aren’t tight anymore because he’s a good egg.

and that’s the end. more to come. lots of thoughts, not enough time.

First day of work
9:26PM 05/20/2002
While it would be untrue to say that I thrived, I did survive, and that’s often all we can ask for on our first days on the new job. I didn’t burn anything down, hurt anyone or break anything, and they even invited me back for a second day. Things are looking up.
The office seems staffed with nice, efficient and productive people, complete with what I now recognize as the full cast(*) of characters, or, in another movie reference, the usual suspects. I think there is much to be enjoyed there, and a lot to learn.
I’ve begun reading again (thank God for the subway, now, how will I keep myself in books?), and I hope that this activity will help me regain some presence as a writer. I feel like I’ve lost what meager facility I had and am now floundering in an open sea of badness of writing. (See? that metaphor was terrible!) Anyway, there was a whisper about starting WriteClub again, and it brought warmth to my heart. If WriteClub can start again, maybe there’s hope for creative collaboration in this city afterall. The recent drought was beginning to turn my spirits.
Lastly, I think it’s time for the techlist–so I’ll think of something witty to say and away we’ll go.
As always, thanks for reading. And this time, for the breakdown of the usual cast of characters, check the board. I feel like putting them both together would be too incriminating.
Good morning from Philadelphia
9:20AM 05/19/2002
In fewer than 24 hours, two things will be different.
#1: Andrew will be a college graduate.
#2: I will be working on a new project.
#1 is interesting, not because it’s surprising at all (everyone knew he’d be graduating with a double major in the top 18% from his class), but because it marks his completion of lower higher education and the start of his endeavors towards grad school. Also, most people only graduate once, if at all, so it’s an occasion to be marked. Congratulations, Andrew. #2 is a bit of a shock, because you can never be sure what the futrure holds. Sight unseen, I’d say that my luck was holding out, and that comes as a bit of a surprise. I’m coming from a place (and I’m not leaving it, don’t worry) where I’m wondering a little about my famous luck, wondering how long it could possibly hold out, how strong it could be. There have been a lot of things about the past two years that don’t fall into the charmed pattern of my traditional existence, this much I’m aware of. What I cannot see (no vantage point yet, I’m still in the mire) is whether this is merely something that most people call character building, designed to strengthen me for a continuation of my fortune, or whether it’s just the end of a long run of luck that I didn’t earn to begin with. I’d like to believe that even without my unnatural good luck, I’d still manage pretty well. Maybe we’ll see now.

Anyway, this update has sort of meandered into weirdness (as they often seem to), so I’ll leave it at this. On the bus ride home tonight, I’ll probably work on my scr1pt–that’s a good thing. Maybe I can figure out what it’s about.

Emily is visiting
8:17PM 05/16/2002
Hi everyone. Star Wars this morning ruled (really as fun as the originals, almost, and fixed lots of problems that happened in EP1), and it was my first 5am show. Yeah, 5am. That means that i got up at 2:30 this morning. It was a little bit of a shame cause I would like to have been able to get out with Sarah last night, but I had to sleep.
Emily and I are doing some music stuff now. Bye.
BICKFORD passing
10:29PM 05/14/2002
like a poor player who struts and frets his hour upon the stage…
They cancelled MAX. Bad news for everyone that I was really hoping would be able to return to the great atmosphere and the steady paycheck of the FOX sunday night show. I wonder what they’ll put on in its place…. Something that sucks equally as much, I’d wager.
Anyway, that’s all the news that’s fit to print on this slow day off. Man, it’s nice having time off. But it’s only nice because I don’t have to look for anything else at the moment. Thank god for TEN WAYS….
my ribs hurt.
10:14PM 05/13/2002
today it feels almost like an extended cramp, rather than a rib issue. I mean, I could be confused, but it really feels like I did something to a muscle rather than the bone–even though the syptoms all seem to match those of a fracture, it doesn’t hurt the way you’d think a fracture would hurt. At least not the way *I* think a fracture would hurt.
It’s strange–even though I KNOW that I’m not actually hurt in some long term, it’s-important-to-my-life sort of way, I can’t help but think of my dad and of the possibilities that he’d have had if he didn’t continually think that he was just suffering aches and pains. Geh. X-Rays will be so inconclusive–besides, what can they do for cracked ribs, anyway, provide stronger pain medication? Deep breaths make me want that, at least some of the time.
In other, completely unrelated stuff-that’s-on-my-mind news, Monday has come and almost gone without my having done much writing. It’s not for lack of trying–I even have an interesting idea, but I think it’s getting mired in the first act. Maybe it doesn’t matter. Maybe I should puch through and just write it, even if the first act becomes like 40 pages too long because of it. I can always cut it down. Tomorrow, I will finish the treatment and move onto the scr1pt. I swear.
I’m testing a Hard drive for bad sectors at the moment, and it appears that there are a lot of them there–that could spell disaster for my planned server upgrade project, or SUP. Also posing a potential threat to upgrade-dom is the looming fact of integrated components. I want to install Linux on this machine and I don’t know how well it will handle the fact that everything runs off the board and not off of its own PCI IRQ.
Man, my mind really wanders. I wonder if it has anything to do with the thunder, with the fact that I’m sitting on my couch alone in the dark, listening to the rain and keeping one eye on the window for lightning.
Happy Monday, anyway.
it’s been awhile…
3:17PM 05/13/2002
well, Monday has arrived.
The weekend turned out really well–things weren’t much harder than normal, Widard World East was fun and educational, and Andrew even drove me home last night. That was a lot of cool–I owe him big time for all the times he drives me here and hangs out. He did, however, kick my ass squarely in Mortal Kombat, owning me in one and three, while I managed to hold onto two. But I digress.
Today has been a lazy day where I’ve done very little, but it’s almost time to start writing. I have something that resembles a plot in my head, now all I have to do is iron it out. Then I can stay up late writing.
Writing and computers–that’s what this week holds for me.
D-day.
8:37AM 05/10/2002
Here we go. Anticipation always makes things worse. I guess today is Sheeva’s (is that how we spell it?) 2nd birthday, too, so happy birthday to my third dog. I wonder when people will be arriving for the festivities that start tomorrow. Man, I’m waiting patiently for those festivities. Maybe I can get lunch with my mom today.
Philly update #1
11:21AM 05/09/2002
Hey there.
I’m about to take my mom’s computer offline and upgrade the entire thing. At the moment, I am engaged in a theory debate with myself about whether or not to install XP on this system. It’s a nice OS, but it might be too many bells & whistles. We shall see.
There is some weird stuff on the horizon for this weekend… I wonder how it’ll all turn out.
man, what weirdness is this?
1:50AM 05/08/2002
sometimes I amaze even myself. What do I think? As far as time spent with people that have no interest in me and in whom I have little more than the curiosity of the unknown, this is the weirdest it’s ever been. Michael mentioned that a cell-phone ban might be in order, considering that courtesy didn’t prevent the two-plus hour conversation that took place on my couch.
It’s really one of my pet peeves, people who lack courtesy or consideration when it comes to their phones. Talking during dinner, talking in the presence of others for personal reasons, letting the phone ring off the hook during an entire evening… it’s just rude. Someday, I’d like to be in the presence of an entire society where this sort of thing is totally taboo and just not done. But I digress.
It was a weird day, anyway. I played some Quake2 (and worked on getting my framerates up a little, too, which was nice) and did a little writing. Tomorrow is banking (maybe), a little more writing, and then heading to philly. We’ll see how it all plays out. Wish me luck.
nighttime musings
11:14PM 05/06/2002
I’m wondering, after my first of ten full days off, what defines friendship. Do different people have different definitions? Are there definitions more stringent than others? If there are, what do you call someone that fits into the broad category between acquaintance and friend? An acquaintance is someone that you know a little bit, right? Maybe someone that you know from work or social situations, but not someone that you’d call to go out with. Sounds about right to me–at least for this exercise. A friend might be someone that you tell important things to, someone with whom you share your dreams and nightmares. So what of the plenty of people that you like, that like you–people that you simply might not know well enough to be real friends with or else people whose company you enjoy for a certain reason or in a certain situation but with whom you don’t really share secrets? What indeed, what indeed.
I don’t really know what brought this on, so ignore meunless you have a good idea. if you do, post it on my board.
Can we talk about how great it is to be unemployed?
1:34PM 05/06/2002
Man. I just filed for unemployment (which I won’t see for a month, but still), and i’m thinking the whole time “what a scam, I get paid NOT to work!” I know that it expires after a certain amount of time (something about how much you pay in vs how much you collect), but I can’t imagine that people don’t just work for a year and then collect unemployment for a few months and kick back and relax.

Anyway, besides that, I’ve already finished the edits to my ORAL PLEASURES scr1pt (which have been complete on paper but not entered for 6 weeks cause I’m lazy), reformatted a computer (which still requires a ton of time) and fought with my roommate in the park because it’s an amazing day.

We used to go fight in the park all the time, but it’s been like nine months and I missed it, so we decided to do it this morning and see how we fared. It turned out not bad, actually. I got punched hard in the ribs once so now it hurts to breathe, but otherwise, my pain is just a symptom of being out of fighting shape. That means that my shins and forearms are all pulpy and sore, but not really injured, and my feet are a little beat up, too. But that happens when you throw lots of kicks.

Anyway, it’s already 1:30 and my mind is blown. I have to go to the bank sometime and see what the story is with getting a loan to buy a motorcycle (someday, i swear) and I have to get my fuckin Maxims down and photograph them so I can sell them on ebay.

The weekend, which saw me completely ignore the internet, turned out pretty well, complete with Spider-Man and closing a Sunnyside bar at 4 on Friday, a party that only managed to make me feel vaguely weird on Saturday (although, man, were there some odd undercurrents going on there) and reorganization and such on Sunday, allowing me to start today running. That’s good. But there’s much yet to be done, so I’m off to *not* lose momentum.

HOW TO LOSE A GUY IN TEN DAYS – great news!
11:38AM 05/03/2002
I got the gig! It starts on the 20th now, and not on monday, which is great, because now i can take a little time off but still know that i have work in a couple of weeks. The downside is, of course, that I’ll lose 2 weeks of pay, but life goes on.
So I’m hooked up at the moment. Good stuff.
Spider-Man and Joe’s birthday and one more thing
8:16AM 05/03/2002
My closest childhood friend (and the kid I got in trouble with more than anyone else) turns twenty-six today. Man, we used to hang out when we were six. And sixteen. He doesn’t read here, but my thoughts are with him anyway today, so happy birthday, Joe.
Spider-Man opens today, too. I have four tickets to the 8:15 show at the Lowes in Times Square. Wanna talk about some rabid fans? Man. I can’t wait. I know I’ll have to go see it again on Saturday, but that’s okay.
Today also counts as my last day of work. I haven’t heard from Liz, which means that it’s unlikely that I’ll be working on monday. I feel badly about that because I would really like to work on a feature of that magnitude, even if it is only for a month or so. It would be good on my resume and a nice change from the lower-budget and differently-paced world of television.
HOW TO LOSE A GUY… update + rant
8:20AM 05/01/2002
So I met with Liz, the Production Office Coordinator last night. She was very nice and seemed to like me a lot. They’ll make their decision in a matter of days (since they want their PA to start on Monday). I think my chances are pretty good, but these things are never a lock. She did like the fact that I do the whole computer thing, though. That was good. Their offices are in Tribecca (I think it’s Tribecca) just south of the Village, so getting there should be pretty painless, should I score the gig, too. Anyway, I got to thinking about how fucked up it is that interviewing to be ona film isn’t like interviewing for any other, regular job. You can’t really tell them, “Uhh, give me a few days to think it over” because they’ll just replace you with someone that wants it immediately. So in my position, it’s a toss up, because even if I have other stuff on the hook (which I only *might*, so it doesn’t matter too much), I’d have to give it up for the first thing available. That might not be the best move career-wise, but it’s important to work, right? So blah.
Ten Ways to Lose a Guy?
4:36PM 04/30/2002
I’m going to a meeting with someone in the production office later tonight. It would be particularly nice to work on a film with a medium (maybe this is even considered big?) budget, too, so wish me luck. My recommendation comes from high on the food chain, too, so that’s good stuff.
Details as they become available.
what it is
9:41AM 04/30/2002
so I talked to Christine Brooklyn last night. She doesn’t hate me, or so she says–she’s just been sick for the past nine or so days. I’m not convinced, but that’s okay–it’s no one’s job to convince me but my own. Anyway, definitions of sick vary from person to person, right? My first day of production office haitus work yesterday was fun. Okay, really, very little happened except that I ran around a lot. This week is grinding on by, and i don’t know what to expect when it’s all over. We’ll see what happens.
Sunday night
10:25PM 04/28/2002
so for the second night in a row, I’m goingot bed with dried sweat on me. that’s a good indicator that it’s time to wash my sheets. I guess laundry day is tomorrow, huh?
Anyway, I just got back from Body & Soul with Megan–it was pretty fun, actually, if a little on the steep side. I feel like if it was $10, it’d be do-able on a more regular basis (what with unemployment coming like a freight train), but $15 is a little high. But it was fun, so checking it out was worth it.
Last night’s festivities were a little boring, but in an amazing setting (a church-turned-residence on 111th street). The rain kept me inside and not on the roof deck, which was a shame, because as much as I liked the hip hop stuff going on, I might have been happier chilling out on the roof. I’ve felt a little antisocial recently, which is rare for me, but not entirely a bad thing.
I met Drew and Kristen this afternoon in the city and we hit the original John’s Pizzaria on Bleeker, which was cool, then wandered around the Village a little. I didn’t think that I’d have the energy for B&S, but I did, and I’m glad I went.
There’s a whole rant stored inside me about the fact that everyone I know equates physical intimacy with emotional intimacy and the number of ways in which I disagree with that equation, but I don’t have the drive to write it at the moment. It’s a shame, because it’s not a bad rant, all things considered.
I saw zero movies this weekend (the best laid plans of mice and men, right?), but did some interesting writing about the DSF project that Andrew and I are working on sporadically. There’s a lot to be written, and I’m excited that I finally got something down. Between that and getting Fight Club Redux online, it’s been a pretty good weekend for productivity. Now, if only I can keep that up and make it into something. Oi, pressure.
Fight Club redux?
5:11PM 04/27/2002
Man, sometimes my slowness amazes even me.
There are days when things catch up with me, and today was one of them. A project that I had forgotten all about was sitting on my hard drive almost complete this morning and got unearthed when I was cleaning it out.
So I finished the edit (tightening, mainly) and figured I’d toss it up online here. Starring everyone’s favorite WriteClub founder Russ Hammonds his virtuoso amigo Vincent and Dave (newcomer to our gang and a great addion to the team), our little clip showcases three killer performances. There are sound issues, as we shot without a boom man and used the in-camera mic, but otherwise it’s a pretty nice clip.

and so it goes…
10:49AM 04/27/2002
My gut instinct was right about the Diamond guys–we got our first rejection. It was a little hard yesterday afternoon, after not being done work (which is really a mixed blessing). Sarah #1 called me, though, and going over there to hang out and relax was pretty cool. It was cool to see Sarah #2 and Bonnie and Claire again, and to meet Joanne (who went to grade school with my roommate, actually) and Tony and most of the rest of those kids. I know I wasn’t very social–next time, next time.
Now, I think it’s time to go see some movies (since I only have a few administrative sorts of tasks this weekend and I can do them all tomorrow). First, maybe a quick stop by a bank to see about financing for a motorcycle (if they’re still open, that is). I just want to learn a little more at the moment–it’s not yet time to buy.
Anyway, thanks for reading.
The Zero day…
9:04AM 04/26/2002
So today is the zero day. Sort of.
It turns out that I’ll be moving over to the production office starting monday (for an undisclosed amount of time, actually) and will not begin my dreaded (and much-anticipated) haitus until sometime next week. That means that the counter comes down (unless I put up a “days without work” counter or something) this afternoon or tomorrow, and I begin to look for something new and different.
I also have the sinking suspicion that VENTURE with Diamond is doomed, and that’s putting a damper on things around here, too. I’ve also, apparently, been operating under false pretenses as I’ve been appraching this thing, so I’m a little confused. Now the future is cloudy on two horizons, whereas yesterday it was clear.
Between this and joblessness, It’s been a tough past few hours.
Jen’s machine is running!
9:15AM 04/25/2002
In order to burn it in and give it the test of fire, I’ve hooked up Jen’s machine to the office T1 line. People will use IE all morning, and when I’m satisfied, I’ll take it down, pack it away, and ready it for giving to Jen.
And Kim thinks that I should put together a proposal to do the computers on the next show that comes in here because I know that I could do it cheaper and maybe even make some money on the deal. THIS is an interesting idea.
I’m starving, but there’s no food.
10:37PM 04/24/2002
It’s really bedtime, so I’ll just go to bed instead of eating something. That’s probably good anyway, considering that you’re not supposed to eat right before you sleep for the night because then you just wallow in calories.
This update scr1pt is going to be the bane of everyone’s existence in the very near future, I have no doubt. With no obstacles to posting, I have no doubt that I’ll be saying salacious things here that I wouldn’t, if I had to take the time to open programs, download updated versions and then create tables. Anyway, we’ll see what happens. Two things that this scr1pt needs: a preview button and an administration section. Preview, I think I can do. Admin? Not so easy.
Now I’m home.
7:44PM 04/24/2002
Same update method, different connection. And I even think that I might be able to update with Dreamweaver, too, should I desire to.
Man, that’d rock.
First post, new system!
6:18PM 04/24/2002
This is MUCH faster than I’d anticipated, but the combination of a good brain day and a slow work day made writing and editing the scr1pt for this updater go quickly. I anticipate some changes over the next few days, but at least this is a start.

The ARCHIVE still holds everything that used to be here (including this morning’s update, even), and I anticipate that it’ll fill up more quickly, even, than before. I’m psyched.

My imagination is running away with me
Apr 24
I’m wondering if maybe it’s the fact that it’s springtime that’s making my imagination so fertile. Maybe it’s the vast expanse of the unknown that stretches before me. Maybe it’s something else altogether, but whatever the cause, the effect is an overactive imagination. I’m trying to harness this energy and turn it into useful and creative projects, but it’s hard–most of the time, my fantasy doesn’t wait for me to be somewhere I can write or even somewhere I can talk. Talking is a creative exercise, at least in a way, because it forces me to verbalize (and thus concretize) ideas that I’ve been forming. Anyway, DSF is seeing a conceptual shift, VENTURE is getting some good groundwork for the open series that comes after the Kiria backstory arc, and even the website has been getting some thought again. I’m working on a .cgi script that will allow me to update this log page from the web, so that no matter where my connection is (and no matter which computer I’m using), I can update my log as easily as posting on a web board. I’ll keep you posted on that, because I’m interested in the potential that this creates. Initially, I see there being a lot fewer options (because I don’t know how to do things like add boxes for the background color and things), but I’ll build functionality as I go. Any and all help is encouraged. And I plan to make the code freely downloadable. I’ll keep you updated.
Monday recap
Apr 22
Yesterday turned into quite the travel day, and a computer debacle, to boot. Who the *hell* builds a P2 machine inside of an AT case? I mean, for the love of GOD, who’s even HEARD of that? Anyway, it means that I didn’t get my mom’s computer built, didn’t bring back the P2 machine, can’t re-build it here to reformat and upgrade the house server, and can’t finish the re-arrangement of the living room computer section. That’s a lot of trouble caused by one little case. Oh well.
Turns out that the problems made me head home last night, though, which was good, because I like to be able to wake up in my own house when I have someplace to be that morning (like work, for example). So here I am this morning, reading the internet (including this amazing online journal by this girl that wants to find a good younger-crowd sex club in NYC) and hanging out. I have to call Diamond today, because Friday I failed (I forget why, though, but no excuse is good enough). I’d really like to get some of the marketing stuff printed up before I leave this week. No luck, I’ll bet, but I’ll try. Depends on how Kurt draws this week.
Otherwise, there are just things on my mind. I think I should go introduce myself to the kids next door–I think they’re about my age and there are never enough people my age around when I want them. Imagine the parties I could throw if there were two apartments next door to one another. That could actually be fun.
It’s Friday!
Apr 19
The penultimate week of my employment here at MAX BICKFORD has been a hectic one. There have been impromptu lunches, parties, and Bar-B-Que gatherings that have included, at various times, everyone with whom I have worked closely over the past ten months. While these things have been fun, they’ve also been busy, because it’s the PA’s job to make sure things get set up and torn down.
Because of that, there has been no call to Diamond, no work on marketing, no work on the VENTURE website, and very little else of any merit. But the weekend cometh, and with it, freedom.
Freedom to travel to Philly for a few hours on Sunday to help my mom with her computer, freedom to set up the new paradigm of server/cluster farm in the living room, freedom to write, to enhance, to create. Fridays are the day to close my eyes and hope for inspiration, hope for greatness for the coming weekend. All that comes after is to strive.
The last day of shooting
Apr 17
Even though my unemployment countdown was fattened by a few days, today is still the last day that matters at all. No more shooting after today. No more crew downstairs to make our lives busy (or to make them interesting) no more craft service truck that I hardly visit. Every day from here on out there will be fewer people here at work, fewer people in town that will have jobs. I’m a little sad for all of it, but that’s okay, I guess.
That’s not the only thing going on at the moment, either. Diamond has my submission (and I intend to call today to make certain that it’s gotten to the right place) and will be reviewing it shortly. That could mean huge things for the VENTURE comic name in the not-too-distant future. Keep your fingers crossed. In the next couple of days, I intend to have the VENTURE site up and running fully, ready to correspond with the good news.
Also in the news, Jen’s computer is built (a fun sunday activity for your friendly geek host) and I managed to get another machine running almost by mistake. Now I need a case that’ll fit the thing. I wonder if an old Packard Bell tower would do. I bet not. I may try, though. I owe my mom computer parts as well–that’ll be a sunday activity if ever I saw one. Sunday is going to be a busy day if I drive to philly and back in one day.
Lastly, I tried to convince Paula to come visit me in NYC, but I think I failed. It was a valiant attempt, I know, but I think now she might be avoiding chatting with me because she doesn’t want to tell me that she’s not coming. I’m still totally confused by the whole thing, really, and all I really want is for her to be happy.
Oh, and you should go tell my brother what he should do for the summer. He asked last night.
Anyway, big things are happening. Time to go be a part of them.
The short Wrap-Up
Apr 14
See what I did there? Cute, huh? Anyway, it’s 5:21am, so forgive any weirdness or misspellings that may happen. I think that I had a successful night–Wrap party, Zanzibar, and then Shane’s party in Williamsburg–it was all a good time. I am mildly troubled by my inability to muster up any interest in the various attractive women with whom I speak, and I think that’s why I’m not sleeping right now (using my trademarked ability to fal asleep within five minutes of getting home from anywhere). It’s weird, it’s like I want to talk to people, but not enough to actually move or change my station to do so. Somehow I don’t mind being the guy playing wingman while his boys hit on girls. It’s a little strange for me, considering how much I like to be in the spotlight, too. I don’t know what to make of it. Maybe it’s the uncertainty of the job situation (how will I take a girl out when I have no income?). Maybe it’s something closer to me, something related to my dad–I don’t know that, either. That idea is more disturbing, because I think that it might be somehow possible, even though I can’t understand how that would actually be (what about my current situation triggers it, why something bothers me or even what it is that bothers me). Weird stuff.
Man, my sleep schedule is totally gone, too. It’s a good thing that tomorrow is Sunday. I can lay around all day. Maybe I’ll sleep in, too. We’ll see. I think it’s time for a shower. I’m sticky with club funk.
Wrap Party is like Prom
Apr 13
and I’m not renting a tux. Oh, and my date is a guy. Not that I’ve come out of the closet just yet, it’s just that Russ and I tend to try to get each other in to networking sorts of events whenever we can. He’s not a hot girl, though, and for that, I suffer just a little. That’s okay, though, this prom should be fun anyway, mainly because I have no plans or expectations, I’m just in it for the joy of it.
Chevy Chase’s pilot last night (which I went to see with Jeanette) was fun, although it ran a long time and I hate sitcoms. I was fascinated by the way that the show was basically shot and edited at the same time, like a live show, but will be shown later to TV audiences. They didn’t even do anything out of sequence to save time. There must be something about the way audiences react that makes a producer decide to shoot in the living room for a scene, leave for a scene (to shoot in a bedroom set) and then go back for another scene almost right away. It was interesting enough to watch that I’d do it again, should they keep it in NYC and not move it to LA. We’ll see what happens.
I sent in my Diamond submission on Thursday morning, which is very cool. I expect that they’ll have it by Monday, and on Tuesday I’ll call to see if it’s been noticed yet. I wonder if they’ll pick me up. I’m actually a little nervous about that. It’s a kinda cool feeling–anticipation.
I wanted to update yesterday, but I was too tired, curtesy of my friend Sarah #1. The wonders just never cease when a person is willing to reconsider their past and let it guide their present.
I’m having one of those moments
Apr 11
It’s one of those times that I realize that I have no idea what something that i’ve known all my life means. What the hell does the song “4 and 20 blackbirds” mean, anyway? I wonder.
I watched Buffy last night
Apr 10
You should be proud of me. I now know everything about Buffy.
Actually, the good thing about last night was hanging out with Megan and Lindsay. I hadn’t seen Linz in a million years (or like, three) and it was good to see her. I also talked to Justin last night and tried to convince him to help me market my book. We’ll see what happens–I think I was mildly successful. Maybe I even convinced him to come up for the wrap party. We’ll see.
Monday blues
Apr 8
There are two weeks left of work. I feel a little bit like a high school kid waiting for the last day of school–I could use a break. Of course, a break for more than a few weeks will starve me to death, but that’s okay. I’ll appreciate my time off, no matter how short it will be. Maybe I even use that time and head to LA to meet with some people and to make some contacts. We shall see.
Saturday night was a lot of fun–Filter 14 in the meatpacking district was a neat little club, complete with underground hallways that almost certainly were used for nefarious purposes in some days of yore. Besides Saturday night… umm, oh yeah, taxes were almost $170, but turned out to be worth it afterall (by a few bucks, anyway) and I barely left the couch all day yesterday. I mainly played Alpha Centauri all day because my brain needed a day off. We’ll see whether it did me any good. I’m certainly feeling less burned out and cynical than I was on Friday. Now, can I get anything DONE? Gosh, there’s the real question.
Sitting in the Tax Office
Apr 6
By the time I post this, I’ll know my fate. I’ve decided to get my taxes prepared by a professional, I’m breaking down and spending the $150 in the crazy hope that I’ll be rewarded for my investment by useful tax deductions that I wouldn’t otherwise have. There are all sorts of crazy things that I don’t understand like the $4550 deduction and why you’d subtract your state and local tax from that. Maybe the fact that I’m a paid contractor and can deduct film-related expenses will pay off for me. The way I see it, if I get $151 in deductions that I wouldn’t get by filing on irs.gov, then I’m coming out ahead of the curve.
Also, when I walk out of here, I’m going to buy the wireless web connection kit at the Sprint PCS store (assuming that they’re still running the sale on the hardware). It’s insane how many minutes a month I have and waste because they’re “night and weekend” minutes. I use 600+ “daytime” minutes (which is 100 more than I have in my plan) and end up with 2200 minutes left over every month that I could use to surf the web from bizarre places on the weekends. Why am I not doing that? And on the SprintPCS site, there are two options for wireless web plans–the $2 plan and the $10 plan. While I don’t believe that I will be able to use the $2/month plan, it’d be pretty damn sweet if I could. Anyway, soon I’ll know that, too. The idea of spending more money today is a little daunting, but fuck it–money was made to be spent, right? Maybe I’ll pull down more money next year somehow because I can chat on ICQ while riding on NJ Transit.
Yeah, and I’m a Chinese jet pilot.
General Malaise
Apr 5
If this was last monday, I’d guess that this was a joke, but I’m pretty sure it’s not. My friend Paula has made a last-minute decision to come to the States (to the west coast, of course, so I’ll never see her) and it’s making me uncomfortable with forboding. I don’t know why, but the whole thing has made me uncomfortable since I found out about the whole story with the flyboy. Granted, I don’t know him so I shouldn’t judge, but I can’t help it–it’s involving my friend and I’m skeeved out.
I can’t be the only person that this ever happens to, right? I mean, I only have the vaguest sense of what’s happening here, and just from my limited conversations with her over ICQ, Paula has managed to make me worry for her (maybe only for her mental health, but still). That’s a big feat.
It’s a good thing that my momma raised me right
Apr 4
I think that my forced restraint (of not saying what I’m thinking when I’m irritated most of the time) allows me to get a little perspective on things before I make a decision. Recently, I have found myself irritated by all manner of things, and as long as they’re organic things (inanimate objects beware), I can keep myself in check. Example: I’ve come up with a method for dealing with my conflicting desires when it comes to socialization in Brooklyn. When I have something that I want to do, I need to state it with finality and not capitulate. Then the burden of agreement is no longer mine. It’s strange, I know, but I think it’ll help derail potential stupidity.
Also, I’m playing with link CSS and things–look for the board to change a little, visually. And we’ve had an active couple of days over there–if you’re interested, check it out. The CONTACT link takes you to the board. It doesn’t bring up an obnoxious pop-up that sends e-mail.
Learn something new every day
Apr 2
What is it about web journals that irritate me? Mine included, I think. I know why there aren’t more posts on my board when this is my main attraction. Well, I swear that we’ll soon have a Venture site worthy of the book (which will require Kurt’s help, no doubt), and maybe it’ll draw in some hits, too. We shall see. Also, Photoshop7 comes out in a couple of weeks–that’s some crazy shit. I feel like Pshop6 JUST came out… oh well. That’s enough for now.
Easter Recap
Apr 1
It was sheer laziness that kept me from updating last night–I know, I know, you were all waiting with bated breath and I let you down. I apologize. Newsy stuff first: Easter was nice, Megan and I invaded my mom’s house on Saturday afternoon, joining Andrew (down from school for one of the LAST times…) and Emily (living at home for Easter for likely the last time, too) for the low-key festivities. I know I didn’t spend much time there, but I *was* just there last weekend, too. Anyway, it was nice to be there, as always, and it was nice to have some company for the trip (even though Megan didn’t get her cheesesteak), so thanks Megan for soldiering on despite your illness. Friday night, despite my tiredness, I had a good time hanging out with Christine Brooklyn in the village. Cell phone snafus (mainly my assumption that it would, you know RING IF SOMEONE CALLED ME) caused me to miss Marc and Julian, which would only have added to the fun-ness of the evening, no doubt.

This week is all about Diamond Distribution, Oral Pleasures and the techlist, and if all of these things sound terribly mysterious (or vaguely dirty), it’s only because, well, they are. I need Diamond to distribute my book and I need to frickin’ finish Oral Pleasures, because I’m running out of time to show the thing to people that might have any interest in production. And the techlist needs to go up so that we all have a place to refuge when this is all over. And it’s all over soon. Maybe I need a countdown.

Numbers thoughts
Mar 28
I’m wondering how many people check in here once a week or so. I bet it’s around ten, but it might be higher because recently I’ve talked to a few people and they’ve mentioned my log. Mainly they mention it in reference to things that suck on the internet, but once in a while, I get in trouble fo the things I write, too. That’s always fun. I’m glad for the few regular posters on my board (I’m a community guy as I’m sure you all know), and as I said just earlier today, I’m glad that my friends are smart. That’s nice to know.
With March almost over, the loss of the Bickford gig looms HUGE in my life. I’m not too worried about it, actually, because I’m ready for the break. I’m the only person in my department that can’t afford to not work at all, really, what with my having no savings and mountains of debt. But my friends at work (bless them all) all assure me that I could work again soon if I wanted to, which I do. I’d like to do a commercial or two to bring in some cash and to meet some people, but we’ll see what happens.
Anyway, if you’re a regular reader and have even considered posting on the board, check it out. You’ll at least see some people that you know over there.
No Buchholz, denied!
Mar 25
Harold denied me service. My money was no good for him. Go figure. Anyway, all is not lost–there is a new light on the horizon, courtesy of that same man, and they seem to be working up a quote for me as I write. I expect to hear from them tomorrow. If not, I’ll call there. This is getting close–very close.
In other news, other bad news with a silver lining, there is no more boyfriend for my friend Megan. Depending on how much of a hard liner you are, it was either a delusional/romantic thing on his part (playing the martyr and suffering to better fit the role of an artist) or else a cruel, calculated act to prove his worth as the tortured artist. I won’t tell you where along that hard line I stand. I’ll leave you with the idea that Megan, despite her momentary pain here, loses almost nothing when compared to the boy that lacked the courage to challenge his ideas, the perspective to understand the much larger pond into which he had waded, and the spine to stick it out when the water began to churn. It may take him a long time to understand the scope of that loss, but sooner or later, he’ll grow into it and the emptiness will hurt.
Do the Oscars always go that long?
Mar 25
My two faithful readers might notice that I failed to deliver my Sunday update last night–the blame rests not on my inability to plan ahead, but on the unbelievable longevity of the damn Oscar ceremony. Running until almost one o’clock, the ceremony was long and boring this year, which I guess was no surprise. Am I shocked about any of the winners? Well, having missed A BEAUTIFUL MIND and MONSTER’S BALL, I can’t be shocked, I guess.

Anyway, I visited with my mom and sister this weekend in Philly–it was nice to be there. Even though I didn’t spend that much time there, I figure it’ll be only a matter of time before I’m unemployed and can head down there for a few days to work and hang out. Maybe during that time I can also make some money doing web design or hosting. We’ll see. How I’ll survive in the upcoming weeks is a mystery to me.

Where does the time go?
Mar 22
I feel a little bit like my grasp of time is getting worse as I get older, not better. Things that happened yesterday and things that happened three days ago all seem the same to me. Things that I have intended to do for three weeks and things that I’ve intended to do for three days all have the same urgency. It’s odd. For example:
Nice time with Sarah #1 the other day out eating. Made me think about friendship and where people go and the like. I wonder whether people that fade in and out of my life like so much fog aren’t necessarily gone forever. Maybe sometimes we meet in places where we don’t quite fit, but after some time and some experience, and IF we can find the time/inclination to meet again, we’d fit perfectly. I just don’t know. There’s something about the pliability of people that has a lot to do with making friends and keeping them.
It’s friday and I’ll be in Philly for the weekend visiting my mom and my sister, which is cool. I have my cameras with me and I have stuff to write and everything–it should be a good weekend. I would like to get back into town early-ish on Sunday, though, because I have things to do here (like laundry–what fun!) and would like to relax some. Maybe something fun and social will happen on Sunday night, too.
I’m getting fat.
Mar 19
As far as my physique is concerned, it’s a good thing that this job ends really soon. For just about everything else, it sucks, but the fact that I’ll be too poor to eat is a dubious thumbs up for the end of this gig. Anyone want to hire an itinerant filmmakker that likes to make things while he looks for a new job in the industry? It’ll help me eat, anyway. Actually, I’m looking forward to having a couple of weeks off, even if I am a little too poor to travel during that time. I can’t work this long in a row (I worked 50 weeks in 2001–I wonder when THAT will happen again) without a haitus, man. But it IS nice to have the money that came in for awhile. Now it’s time for a vacation.
And this is woe?
Mar 17
First of all, happy St. Patrick’s Day. I wish happiness upon everyone that, for one day only, becomes Irish and loves green–it’s that time of year again. There, I said it, now, can we move on?

Last night, out at a house party that I was definitely too sick to be at (although I felt better and my fever has been gone since midday yesterday), I ran into what’s becoming an interesting quandry. To set the scene, Mike has left for the weekend (it’s Heather’s birthday, afterall) so I’m out with Melody and Julie on a Saturday night at a house party in Brooklyn. There’s something nice about rolling into the party with the two hottest girls there, but that’s another rant for another day. So there I am, just kinda hanging out, when this girl starts talking to me. Good stuff. She’s had too much to drink, this much is true, and I’m definitely under the weather, but there’s something else keeping me from even hitting on this girl in a friendly manner. This mysterious something is my quandry. I go to a party–one of the two places at which it’s socially acceptable to meet people (the other being the laundromat, but we won’t even go there at the moment…), and can’t manage to make interesting conversation with eligible (and interested!) women because I’ve got friends at the party. I don’t know if it’s some aversion to hitting on someone when there are women that I came with present and watching, if it’s an aversion to the *idea* of picking up someone at a party, an aversion to looking like some kind of player hitting on girls wherever I go, or something else entirely. It’s a good kind of quandary, I know, to have to wonder why I don’t take advantage of situations where there are girls interested in me (and better still that it’s happened a couple of times recently) but that makes it no less irritating, because the end result was the same as if I’d been in a room full of married senior citizens. Now, if I had a handle on this issue of mine, would I have taken advantage of my situation? Of course not. Sick me, drunk girl, no way home, etc–none of these things are involved in my psychosis, and they’re all totally legitamate reasons that I bounced when I did. No, the issue is somewhere else, something that I can’t put my hands on, and it’s the reason that I didn’t get to the real reasons to go home. Gosh, what does this all mean? Not a damn thing.

I have the strange feeling that this is going to be badly interpreted by a couple of readers. Part of me doesn’t want to post this, in case there are repercussions in the form of people thinking that I’m some kind of player or something, but I think I’ll post it anyway. I mean, I don’t deny that I want to have fabulous, god-like luck with women, that I want to have the opportunity to involve myself with any woman of my choosing. Find me a man that says that he doesn’t want these things and I’ll point you to a pale-faced liar. But action breeds character (thanks Syd) and what I *do* is ultimately what matters, not what I say. So I guess it’s okay if I post all this drivel. Besides, if you think this is bad, wait till I get around to posting about my dad. That one’s been brewing for awhile now, and it might be just too big for me. Only time will tell.

When I’m sick… (and the ides of March)
Mar 15
I went home last night and all I wanted out of life was to have someone that would give me TLC and maybe a little massage on my shoulders. Oh well, it is my choice, afterall, at least to some extent, that there is no one to go home to. It only came to my attention last night when I wanted nothing more than to have someone baby me a lot.
Today also marks the ides of March, the day when a famous guy in Rome was killed. I’m not sure why we still know that, actually. Maybe because Shakespeare thought it was important.
I’ve now made three DivX movies…
Mar 14
Lord of the Rings, Harry Potter and now Black Hawk Down. All DVD rip movies from academy screeners. I’m proud of that, really, because the quality is really good and I’m making them myself. I’m the first guy on the block to get these flicks. Next is Monsters Inc, I think. Maybe I’ll rip that myself. There’s more going on today, too. It’s Christina’s and Sean’s birthday, too, today, as well as being Pi day.