September 2nd – November 12th, 2002

The last time I worked with flat files, I was pretty proud of myself as you can tell from the last (top) post done the old way.

2:38AM 11/12/2002
the new site is up and running and ready for your testing at!Totally different interface, more useful user accounts, more functionality and an entirely database-driven backend define the new site.

Tell me about your likes and dislikes, either on this board or on the dev board–i”ll be living both places.

amazing how even a short night”s sleep makes everything better
7:45PM 11/11/2002
I just got a shout out on syracuse college radio – this rules. i”m in a much better mood this morning, although i think i”ll have to take a nap later in order to survive the day. at the moment, however, i”m working on icons for the new site.Listen to Emily while you”re getting ready for work – Mondays between 7 and 9 am, my sister rules the airwaves of upstate new york with the most energetic rock show on the air.
fortune and fame
8:37AM 11/11/2002
I”m too lucky to be feeling as unhappy as I am right now–there”s no excuse for this. I”m going to spend the next little while doing things that make me happy then I”m going to get a good night”s sleep. Tomorrow morning when I listen to Em”s radio show, the dark clouds will be gone. I”ll be productive, I”ll be proactive and I”ll be happy.We”ll see.
Sleep? Who needs it?
11:31PM 11/06/2002
Wow, time flies. I was up till 4am last night working on this stupid site and now i”m tired. But I think it”s in that good way. I have a BBS that I like (although I”m still an old-school perl guy and would love to write a board with mysql hooks that looked like my current board but was database driven like the PHP board), things are coning together config-wise, and I think everything is going to come together rather nicely.I think I”m going to go down to Philly today, you know, to rake leaves or mow or something and also to have my laptop and some time to just bang out the rest of my stupid screenplay (you know, the thing I”ve been talking about incessantly for the last three months…). It”d be good for me, I think, to have some chill time, and maybe even getting away from the constant draw of the internet would even have its benefits. We”ll see about that.

The last thing on my plate today is the fact that the ill shit to which I alluded before has been toned down quite a bit and it”s all blowing over in relatively calm fashion. It looks like the storm didn”t do that much damage to the landscape, as it were. If you don”t already know the story about which I speak, suffice it to say that it didn”t directly involve me, but almost involved my new, more-ass-kickin” self (who has yet to make an appearance, unfortunately). Oh, how I wish i was hardcore.

It means you”re dirty when you can”t stop scratching your head and then when your fingers come away they have a layer of black grime under them, right? Yeah, I thought so. So, umm, I”m off to shower. More later.

before I go any further…
8:08AM 11/06/2002
I finally have a PHP/MySQL-based site in development!I know that doesn”t necessarily mean anything just as words, but what it”ll mean to the site is that creating a username is more than just that–now it”ll be an account, allowing you to check the site, the board, your POP3 e-mail (I know, weird, right?), and any number of other things right from here. it”s looking pretty cool. And if you”re reading this, I”m going to be asking you to test the crap out of the development environment in the not-too-distant future (next week, maybe). You”ll love it, I swear.

Otherwise, little to report–sort of mediocre last couple of days, a lot of frustration, especially with this site stuff that”s always harder than I think it”ll be, and not enough kickass stuff going on. Still no jobs/prospects realistically on the horizon. A general pain in the ass. But I”m okay, mostly.

long time, long time…
1:01AM 11/05/2002
i feel like a lot of crap has happened since last i updated, but I think this feeling is wrong. It”s been a very chill weekend, nothing for Halloween, nothing Friday night, then a couple of busy hours. Meg”s birthday was pretty rad, all the cats were fun and fancy–Lindsay even came (cool!), so the evening was nice. Katie and Dan had no trouble with their IDs, which is good, so everyone had some fun.
Yesterday was a meeting with Steve about his movie, which should go off fine, especially considering the amount of time that”s going into the planning of the thing. I don”t feel like I have a whole lot to contribute, but I can learn a lot about the way these things get planned by normal people, I guess. I think my ghetto style and general laziness when it comes to everything is a major detriment to my life, and it”s more obvious when i can”t hide behind my imagination. I think this deserves more consideration.
Also, the ill thing from just below will still get discussed the more I know about it. Now”s just not the time.
I”m trying out PHP as best I can and failing miserably, unfortunately, so it”s not soon that you”ll be able to check out my prototype new site. Can you tell that I think I”ll be doing a redesign in the newar future? Well, maybe not so near, but it”s now in the pipeline. I guess someday i should also get a job, huh? that would ease a lot of the financial stress that i”m feeling at the moment. Wouldn”t that be nice?
ill shit
1:02AM 11/02/2002
we”ll talk about it soon….
Happy Halloween
11:57PM 10/31/2002
it”s my favorite holiday of the year today… today is the day when the ghouls come out to play, when imagination in self-expression becomes, for one day, more important than homogeny, when everyone tries hard to be unique, not identical. it”s sort of a fantasy day, brought to us by our friends the pagans, whose traditions won”t die, even after more than 2000 years of global persecution by the single-deity crowd (and the more organized multiple-deity one, too). Bully for them and their damned souls, I say. Whichever one of them invented Halloween gets a gold star in my book. Happy birthday, too, to Aunt Kris–it”s cool to have your birthday and Halloween married together at the end of teh year”s best month. Very cool.

Now I”m off to edit and then play videogames – unemployment is so exciting.

Learn something new every day…
8:14PM 10/30/2002
today, it”s that you can mount .bin files directly to your hard drive as CD-ROM drives. I”m impressed–very impressed. This is because I”m old and come from the days of bin-chunker and extracting to .iso before CDrWin could burn your .iso to CD and finalize, regardless of the size of the .bin… you lost a whole CD. not anymore! Those script kiddies are smart. User-friendly, too.Okay, enough of that. By now, you”ve noticed the whole ”new logo” thing that I like so much (including my pic of the week carved my my roommate), but what you haven”t noticed are the changes and additions to the projects and archive sections. They”re just little things, but they add dynamic content access, so you might wanna check them out. Remember a Click of the Week and want to see it again? It”s now accessible from the Archive section. And that”s all for now.

I”m off to install Hitman2 directly from .bin. Heeheehee!

I had this huge long update all prepared
8:03PM 10/29/2002
and then, as is becoming standard, my computer crashed.
Anywau, the news of the moment is that I completed the writing portion of my current Oral Pleasures rewrite a couple of days ago, and after fighting with the printer yesterday basically all day to make it bend to my will and print a copy of the damn script, today I”m ready to take it on and start the edits. I have to read through a couple of times and resolve wierd transitions, fix awkward dialogue, make sure there aren”t any obsolete references and sew in a few of Mike”s jokes from his polish. It”s not going to be a two-minute job, but I hope that by the end of the week, I can be ready to pimp my wares to basically everyone I know. We”ll see what happens.It”s also a weird week for me, considering that Thursday is Halloween and it”s only 2 days away. I have no plans, also odd, since it”s my favorite holiday, but I think that”s for the best this year since recently, Halloween has tended to be a very sexual holiday and my situation this year is a lot different from that of other years in recent memory. We”ll see what happens. Maybe I”ll sit at home and write a short story that day to publish online. It”ll be about something scary, something disturbing, something fitting the holiday, maybe. Or else maybe I”ll just drown my sorrows in beer at the local pub like I do every night. Maybe not that, either.

Well, yet another hard day of revision is ahead of me. I need to get a job so i can stop being not creative when I really should be creative and get back to being not creative when there”s no time to breathe, much less create. That”s a good plan, right?

note of interest
8:59PM 10/27/2002
the thing about yesterday is that my dad would have turned 56. So in honor of that, I have up as the pic of the week (only through tomorrow morning) the only four-generation photo I have available to me, complete with tiny little me in the picture. so enjoy it while you can–tomorrow comes Mike”s fantastic halloween jack o”lantern.
a dumb coincidence
10:22PM 10/25/2002
I was cleaning up my desk yesterday and I noticed this: on my desk are computers, cameras, and then magazines about computers and cameras. Does that make me seem obsessed? I think I am a little bit. It”s weird, and it definitely means that I should be working harder to make sure that either computers or cameras pay my bills, directly or indirectly.
9:23AM 10/23/2002
What punishment carries the proper weight when they finally catch this (these) sniper? What action on the part of lawmakers, justice officials and lawyers would be sufficient to demonstrate that what this coward is doing is not okay? The more I read, the sadder I become that my every instinct that this would make a good movie was correct–I feel like I”m an extra, watching a cop thriller unfold from the safety of my home. Kinda makes me want to give up my dreams of film work and becoms a vigilante. I mean, I”m unemployed at the moment, what else am I doing? Maybe I don”t even have to give up my dreams of becoming a filmmakker. Who knows?
i wish i was a girl…
5:24PM 10/22/2002
…so that you would believe me….wait, no. i wish i was a girl so that i could listen to problems that people don”t want solutions for and not always offer them solutions that I know they don”t want. I”m so frustrated right now I could scream. But I won”t because that”d be bad for business. Instead, I”ll shower and wash the negativity away.

Then I”ll go to El Azteca”s.

more random computer crap
8:55AM 10/22/2002
With Julian coming down today to geek out with me for awhile, I figure I”m justified in doing a little geeky shit this morning, esp. since I got up all early and stuff despite a debilitating dizzy spell that I”m just sure means I have some huge brain tumor.Anyway, I cleaned out my Yahoo! e-mail account and reported like 400 e-mails as spam, a move which kinda rocks, but may be irrelevant to the actual usefulness of the address. We”ll see. I”m going to try to be vigilant about the thing so I can use it should I need it. I also backed up my address book on my workstation, and now I”m going to synchronize it with my laptop (a royal pain in the ass, but worthwhile).

Then it”ll be time to go write, which is what I should have been doing all morning. But still, I”m doing stuff, and that”s better than doing nothing.

9:30PM 10/21/2002
yeah, so tonight, i get home, sit down at my computer, and my journal wouldn”t talk to me for like five minutes. Said I”d been ignoring it. I told it, “Well, I”m 26 now, hthings change as you get older, you know, your priorities and stuff. Besides, I was really busy for the last few days.” Well, after a little bickering about the definition of busy (watching movies on the couch IS busy, goddamnit), we”re talking again, but it”s still mad at me. Well, I said I was sorry like 10000 times.Anyway–weekend. Good. Relaxing, fun, mellow, good-for-the-spirit, enjoyable. Got out not one, but both weekend nights, after a fashion, something I hadn”t done in a long time. Friday night was Russ” friend at a bar where he really took care of us (let us drink for less than 50% tab, and we”re not even girls except Katie). Nice guy. Saturday was movies, cooking (chicken salad, pasta, maybe something else), and sushi with Melody, Julie and their friend Katie (I looked like quite the stud that evening, considering the 4/1 ratio and all). I”m happy to report that my Katie has really warmed to the whole motorcycle thing, and even though it”s a little late in the season, it warms my heart to know that my new favorite mode of transport isn”t being poo-poo”d by my significant other. Sunday, we went up into the country, picked apples, ate and frolicked at a country-type fair that just happened to be going on this weekend–good stuff. The apples led to my first apple sauce this morning–boy, oh boy am I proud. My mom thought I was nuts for asking how you make apple sauce (i guess it”s pretty easy), but it”s important to me that I make it like she did–no ”someone else”s recipe” thing for me. Anyway, it turned out great, and I”m turning into quite the domestic so-and-so, all chicken salad and apple sauce and all. i mean, my house smelled like apple sauce today–tell me there”s someplace YOU”D rather go home to than a place that smells like apple sauce. AND my landlords decided that it was time for the heat tonight. Go figure. In other tonight-related news, I saw IGBY GOES DOWN with Megan tonight, and, man, what the hell was the point of making that movie? I mean, I can appreciate the finer points of hating your upbringing and all, but yeesh, could we have at least had a character to like or something? Even an interesting, non-cardboard-cutout one would have worked. Oh well. It wasn”t a terrible 2 hours or nothin”. Then we talked about boy problems (I”m one, her boy is another, so we had lots to talk about), which was nice, because it”s good to talk to someone you know and like about those sorts of things for awhile. Then I rode my bike home. Man, that was cold. But not TOO cold. If I had proper gear, I”d be fine. Helmet first, then leather jacket. Then some other stuff, but first helmet.

I”ve been thinking a lot about how weird I was when I was a kid recently, and I think I should do a series of self-important confessional pieces where I use my junior psych degree from the University of Self-Congraulation to analyze their meanings and their roots.

Okay, that”s a bad idea. I won”t do that. Although I am interested in it, maybe that”ll be private-journal fare. Yeah, this forum should be kept to vaguely-worded inuendo and implication or else irrelevant anecdotes from a life like any other, only easier. I think I need a title. Any suggestions? Enough of this insanity for one night–after this, my journal will refuse to speak to me because I”m a verbose pinhead that thinks that anything that comes out of me must be gold because I”m so damned in love with myself. I”m clever enough to know when to stop this, damnit, and stop this I shall.
Right now.

I just installed PGP
5:54PM 10/17/2002
I guess this means that I”ve finally started to do my part for freedom and security on the internet. Now, if only other people I knew would use the thing. Oh well.

I almost forgot–here is my PGP key, in case you need it. That”s all.

Jared”s birthday
9:37AM 10/16/2002
So today is one of those special days, set aside to honor the birth of my oldest younger cousin Jared. He turns 23 today, adn as that annoying rock singer used to say, “Nobody likes you when you”re 23.” Because of that, I feel badly for him. Otherwise, I don”t feel so badly for him because for one day only, he gets to be king of the realm. So happy birthday, king.I”ve gotten to thinking recently, since this day has been coming up for awhile now, thinking about milestones and moments. I”m no longer a quarter of a century old–I”ve passed that mark. Disturbingly enough, if I was my father, I”d be in the halfway point of my entire life right now. Somehow, that one year difference seems pretty huge right now. Granted, I”m not my dad and I intend to live to be 101 or something insane, but you never know, I guess. It”s an interesting way to face the day. The thing I keep thinking about recently is the fact that no matter how long we”re going to live, every second of our lives, we”ve already lived our whole life. I don”t know if that makes sense written that way, so I”ll come at it from a different angle. Taking the assumption that none of us is guaranteed anything, every advancing second of our life is the last one we have–we”re living life one last second at a time. When a minute passes into another, the one just elapsed becomes the second to last minute of our lives. This keeps happening continuously, in such volume that it makes the measurement insignificant, even. I guess that”s where assumptions about our continued lives come in–i mean, if i survive this-freaking-many last seconds, doesn”t it stand to reason that I can survive maybe a million more? I mean, I”m good at this whole survival thing. But there are no promises. Me not being my father doesn”t promise me 101 full years. There is no promise, and keeping that mindset seems to add a sense of urgency to the ever-passing moments of life. Shang Tsung says “Treasure these moments as if they were your last” and to him I say, “They are my last” –each one is my last until it is replaced with a new last. Sooner or later, I know, you are given one, distinct moment for people to count as your last, but until that one, there are innumerable others just like it save for the fact that they get replaced regularly with another tick of the clock.

Anyway, I guess the message of the day for Jared”s birthday is to treasure these moments because they are your last–each and every one.

I meant to mention
7:09PM 10/15/2002
–NYPD 0, Me 2. Yesterday on the way home from impromptu WriteClub, I narrowly avoided another ticket on my bike. I”d better keep this streak alive until at least I get another job. And until the New Jersey thing blows over.–Today, 16 pages and finished the second act of Oral Pleasures. I”ve gotta give the whole thing a re-read so i can intelligently proceed into the final act. That, too, will be entirely re-written. I intend to have it comlete by Friday the 25th. Here”s hoping.

Ninjai is back up! It got a little boring, but it”s still awesome. Tell me what you think on my board.

–Krol says he”s drawing Venture, and it”s really tough not to bug him about it because I”m sort of at a lack for things to bother people about. It”d be a good break from O.P. to be able to work on the VENTURE text, but, alas, I must wait.

That”s all for now.

when it”s cold
12:02PM 10/14/2002
when it”s cold, i walk around with my hands down my pants so i can warm them up.when it”s warm, i walk around with my hands down my pants because it feels good.

I am a sick bastard. But I updated the homepage a little, and I”m considering a complete revamp, just for the hell of it. That”s all for now.

lest you think i forgot
11:13AM 10/14/2002
another update, although i”m not sure what there is to update about.
–Long Island. What”s to say? Equal parts discomfort and happiness–not a great ratio, but passable, considering that it”s been done for the greater good. I didn”t sleep very well there, but it”s nothing to do with enviorns and everything to do with schedule, I think. Anyway, two chick flicks ended up the weekend (Tuck Everlasting and Sweet Home Alabama), and I love to see movies.
Today it”s all about finally getting some laundry done (maybe), showering, and relaxing. Maybe tonight I”ll catch Knockaround guys or finish the end of Memento. We”ll see.
promises, promises
10:32AM 10/11/2002
I promised updates for yesterday, but i failed to deliver. So here, among the bodies, I survey the carnage and tell you what I see.
–First of all, it”s going to rain all through October. Mostly, I don”t care about this, but it means that during the last good temperatures to ride my bike, the weather is too damn bad to ride. God is, indeed, a bastard.
–Second of all, I”ve been writing like a madman in the last few days, a bunch of pages of script, a bunch of pages of journal (including an insane rant from nowhere last night that talked about how the MTA owes me an epiphany) and a bunch of random things (e-mail, notes, lists) and it”s making my hands hurt. Why have I been afflicted with the writer”s curse recently? Why isn”t a few pages of creativity a day good enough? I feel like I could sit at the computer and just type from now until tomorrow and not say everything. The sad part is that I don”t even know what “everything” is.
–Third is that there”s a little renaissance going on on my board at the moment. Since Shawn found me yesterday, I”m finally feeling established (someone googled me and found our little community–that”s amazing). Now, the trick is going to be creating a community out of the mishmash and making it so that everyone feels like they at least vaguely know everyone else.
–Fourth, I”m thinking about joining Netflix even though I don”t have a job. What better time to watch DVDs than when one is jobless?
I”m sure there”s more, but I can”t remember it now. Maybe more will come later. I”m going to be in Long Island this weekend, going to a party and getting rained on, but no matter what, I”m going to listen to Emily”s radio show on Monday morning.
That”s all for now–thanks for reading.
stressful day
11:55PM 10/09/2002
although i was relatively stressed out today (relationships, money, jobs, creativity), I think the end result was a positive one: I finally overcame the block on the scene 36+ rewrite that I”m working on and should have the new draft done early tomorrow morning. There”s more on my mind, but I”m too cold to detail it all now. I”ll do it tomorrow morning when i”m cold instead.
what is strength?
6:47PM 10/07/2002
I”m wondering a lot about that recently, considering all the things that I”ve been given to think about. Now, my 6am call for tomorrow makes me think about it in a different light. This time, it”s “Okay, I have to get upat 4:30 to get through the traffic and craziness, then I have to ork on set all day…” it”s a weird thing for me, this day-work, because it”s so hard to get motivated. I mean, here it is, almost seven, and I”ve been doing an abysmal job writing my screenplay today. I was supposed to be putting pages behind me, closing in on that goal of the finished draft, but instead, i socialized on the phone and on IM and hardly wrote a thing. That”s not strength. That”s weakness, laziness or fear. It”s something that”s not good, and it”s inside of me in a big way. At the moment, I feel like I need to be strong enough to help support all the people I know and love who have it a lot worse than I do, and with these insidious things inside me, derailing my best intentions, I”m not ever going to be strong enough.
Geh. I guess, if nothing else, this feeling has sort of inspired me to keep my shit together, tighter even, this week than last. Last night, talking through some problems, I made the resolution that today I will work out, today I will write, today I will have my shit together like no other day. And it started out well. But how easily I forget. And thinking about 4:30 makes me exhausted already. Working means no writing, that much is certain, so I guess it”s my job to utilize my remaining hours (very few, if i”m to get any decent amount of sleep) to continue work on my script. I”ll leave the computer, however, and do some work offline, because it”s time to write new content and before I do that, I should figure out where it”s going. I find it easier if i can stream-of-consciousness it all out by hand first, then stick it into some formatting and call it a screenplay.
Tomorrow, at least, I should be able to work out before hopping on my bike to get to work. Then I”ll be stronger than I am today.
Burrito night, NYC #1, successful
9:50AM 10/06/2002
Although I think I grossly misrepresented it to my friends and their friends, burrito night NYC was a pretty good time. I don”t think anyone didn”t have a good time, but I think most eveeryone expected a party with a lot of people and a lot more debauchery. I like those parties and all, but last night and burritos were exactly what we needed. Next time, though, I think Burrito Night needs to be less advertised and more underground. We”ll just feed whoever”s around at the last moment or some such.
Burrito Night starts slow
7:20PM 10/05/2002
damn New Yorkers and their inability to get anywhere before nine–i sit, hungry, waiting for nine. Things been busy, I guess, but fine.
12:24PM 10/03/2002
Here”s an update that i wrote today at work–it”s pointless and stupid, i know, but sometimes I just have to write. Since I wrote this, a bunch of other stuff has happened, I met with Steve about his short film, I went to the hospital with an extra, wandered around the East Village at work.
Okay, read the insanity–more updates tomorrow.
short updates
9:41PM 10/01/2002
Friday: leave for camping/camping
Saturday: dry off from friday/camping
Sunday: Camping/Canoeing
Monday: Camping/packing/home/returning phone calls/sleeping
Tuesday: Working
Wow. There”s an essay about how, again, I”m different from everyone in the universe, a total social outcast while at once being a hardheaded bastard and a spineless wimp, but that essay will have to wait until my second of two days of work is over tomorrow and I go to my first production meeting for a short that I”m going to be working on.
Today was an interesting day on the set of an untitled NYC TV pilot for the FX Netwark. I was a set PA, and I enjoyed it. Now I have to go to sleep because in a scant six hours I shall be awake again to go back to work. More update to come, I promise.
where have I been?
3:30PM 09/25/2002
Wow, so I felt busy for a good reason, huh? I feel like I”ve been in Extreme Visitor Mode for the last few weeks. Writing? Besides this anecdotal crap and a little outlining, I”ve done exactly zilch. I”ve also relaxed less than I”d like, especially since for me, relaxing is largely geeking out in front of my PC and designing things like this stupid calendar. Photography would relax me, too, but I think I may never get to that again either. Whatever the case, I”m glad to be hanging out here again, and I”m fighting the urge to do anything other than drive up into the city and talk with Russ about writing stuff. I”m not even sure I can do that, but I owe it to the kid to get my ass up there to meet him–I mean, it”s been weeks! I”m becoming a bad friend.
I finally mailed some bills and I got my first unemployment check, so that”s pretty damn cool. I think things may indeed work out, although not any time too soon. Now All I gotta do is keep my eye on that brass ring and plan for my party. Time to go shower (cause I”m disgusting) and then it”ll be time to lock myself in my room and write for a couple of hours. Even though it”s the afternoon and I suck in the afternoons. Even though it”ll be bad writing. Then I can play videogames. Yay.
Also, above (in today”s picture) is me at age ten, I think. I was at camp. I forget everything else about that picture, except that it was taken on 126 film and after that summer I lost the camera for 8 years. Then I found it and developped the film, and that was what I got. Cool, huh?
real quickly
10:11PM 09/24/2002
I hope I didn”t wear out my bike”s supply of good Karma today–I rode it over to Nana and Papa”s place again and then to Saturn then home then out with Justin then back. We”ll see tomorrow morning how bad things are. Hmm.
Good day today, I guess, let”s hope that tomorrow is a productive one.
Philly update
10:22PM 09/23/2002
Hey, so I got the Saturn back here safely. That”s 50% of the bad things that could happen now safely behind me and not happened. Yay. I”ll be staying tomorrow (likely until early on Wednesday) to sharpen mower blades and help take the Saturn to be serviced (finally replace that clutch, thank you very much…). I”ll also have lunch with my grandparents, who were very glad to see me when I went over there tonight. That was good.
Anyway, not sleeping ”till after three last night turned out to not be so bad–I got up at 8 then napped from 10-11, so I”m managing okay. I did some writing, which ruled, and now I”m psyched about writing again. I”m thinking about employing a strategy (which I know will never work because it would require me blowing off my social life to accomplish it) wherein I sleep from midnight till 6am, then get up and write from 6:30 or so till noon, grab some lunch, nap from one to two, then write for another hour or so and then have the rest of my day to do whatever I need to/want to do. That would include videogames, movies, etc, and since I usually waste my day till at least noon anyway, I feel like even with a nap (can one hour of nap make up for two hours of nighttime sleep?), I”ll be gaining a significant amount of time. As a morning person, this idea suits me well–the only trick would be the placement of the nap. Also, that relegates working out to the late afternoon, when I”m not at all ready to work out, but we”ll have to see how it goes. Maybe a half-hour interruption for a quick workout followed by a shower wouldn”t be so tough on my groove. It all depends on when Michael gets up.
I know it”s early, so I think I”ll grab my bag and do some writing. Tomorrow isn”t going to be any 6am day, but maybe Wednesday will. We”ll just have to see. Depends on what kind of writing i can get done tonight. I think it”s work on the new project, actually, at least until i can get a little more of the thread out–it”s in that tenuous spot where it could be lost at any moment. Most projects never make it past this phase, so I feel compelled to get this one over the hump.
Thanks for reading. More to come tomorrow.
open season on sanity
2:30AM 09/23/2002
finally I got back to Brooklyn after hours in the car (made 1000 times worse by the fact that I was stuck in Holland Tunnel traffic for 1/5th of my trip from Syracuse) and I”ve had a relaxing weekend since then. Relaxing, in this case, is defined by the complete lack of doing anything but sit on my ass. Looking back on it 30 hours later, I”m not sure it was such a good idea. It”s like having a hangover, remembering some sex thing that you did that you shouldn”t have–you know it was fun while you were doing it, but you also know if you”d known that it would make you feel this way, you never would have done it. Maybe I should have been drunk.
Anyway, the future looms huge ahead of me (esp. since another day starts in a scant few hours) and I know that I have a lot that I should be doing. There”s a list a mile long of thigns that I need to accomplish tomorrow, all before I leave for Philly in my mom”s broken-down Saturn to pick up my broken-down bike. I hope both vehicles make it to their respective homes without incident, but considering their problems, I”d say the chance of that is very slim. I bet that tomorrow night I”ll have grease on my hands. Maybe I”ll also get to see a movie. That”d be nice. I miss seeing movies.
The night time makes me pensive, but in a way that I can”t really put into a blog of this sort, so I”ll stop now and spare you the vagary. I think there is a place for what I”m feeling somewhere, but finding that place will be quite a challenge. What I really should be doing, however, is writing my script. I”ll get back to that tomorrow. Yeah, tomorrow–you know, the one that creeps in this petty pace from day to day? That”s the one. Tomorrow: the overwhelmingly-favorite day for starting diets, quitting smoking and writing scripts.
Morning time at college
11:03AM 09/20/2002
Not a whole lot changes in the mornings at college. Besides the fact that I left my windows shut more tightly and was only on the 2nd floor, this morning feels pretty much identical to every other morning I”ve ever spent at college. That”s so cool.
Em and I went by the old pastoral home yesterday afternoon, and I stared at someone else”s house for a few minutes, mouth agape. Almost nothing had changed–there was a furniture upgrade out on the porch and the junipers that had always covered the kitchen window were gone (the rest were intact, though, and that made me happy). I sort of expected them to have made a complete overhaul of the place and since they didn”t, I felt pretty good. We then ran down to Cherry road school and, man, was that cool, too. We played on the swingset and the jungle-gym (the first super-cool one I remember from my childhood–the one by which all modern installations were measured) and that made us feel pretty good. We had a good afternoon.
After that was dinner in the dining hall and then a quest for cider (man, that”s hard to find around here), then we came back here to surf the web and chill till it was time for the afterhours party. The afterhours party was cool–mainly freshman girls (as they tend to be, I think), and frat brothers. It felt familliar, but in that “I remember this half from life and half from movies” sort of way. Meeting people was interesting, though.
So that”s where we stand. It”s cool that the thing to do before going out is surf the web and chat on IM, because those of us that did that when I was in college were only the total geeks–now everyone does it. Go figure. I think I”ve been nostalgic enough, too. It somehow serves to cheapen the experience (or look like I”m trying to) if I”m always talking about how I did this stuff. I don”t want that. And today maybe we work out, maybe we play some volleyball, maybe we go back by Century drive, this time with a camera. Also, maybe we sleep all day and go out tonight. We”ll see.
Syracuse rules
12:22PM 09/19/2002
This place exists exactly the way a college campus should. Man, I forgot just how cool SU was. It makes me wonder just how different my college experience would have been had I decided to forgo the whole “free-ride” thing and come here to go into soul-crushing debt instead. I bet my credit card debt would have been less.
Not to take away from the experience that UMBC provided for me, mind you–that”s an important part of my life and I loved every minute of it. It”s just that this looks the part perfectly–it has the feel and the image that you just don”t get at most other places. Hmmmmm.
Emily is in class at the moment, and I”m trying to optimize her PC so she can get the most use out of it with the fewest crashes. So far, it all seems to be working.
gentlemen, start your engines.
3:49PM 09/18/2002
I fixed my bike. Now I”m off to Syracuse by way of Glen Mills. Pretty ridiculous, but I owe it to my sister to get my ass up there once in a while. Now, if I can only keep the thing running long enough to get to Philly and back, I”ll be a happy boy.
Updates from the field for a few days.
6:37PM 09/17/2002
Resume, bike work, writing and phone calls all await me and it”s already 6:30 on Tuesday. At least I”m feeling industrious. I called about my bike (no dice again from Cycle Therapy) parts and am now trying a different tack (get similar, non-identical parts from another vendor). I worked out, or whatever you want to call me flailing around on a bench with some weights is. I”ve determined that this is my last week at reference weight–from here on out, I have to up things, even on off days. Someday, Megan and Katie won”t think I”m flabby. Speaking of flabby, I can still feel Katie”s ab workout from yesterday, proving, beyond a shadow of a doubt that I need to do more ab work. I mean, I”m not looking for a sixpack, but I could certainly have better muscles in my stomach region. Oh, I hate being weak.
I”m uploading Office for Emily at the moment and owe e-mails out the wazoo, so I”m off to do that. Mow that the weekend is officially over (I love being unemployed), I can start my week. Tuesday through Friday isn”t a shabby week, I guess. Especially if that week also means a visit to the sister or helping a friend move into his new offices. We”ll see which this one holds for me.
weekend update
1:01PM 09/15/2002
weekends mean much less when you”re unemployed. I had forgotten. Yesterday felt much more like a Sunday to me than it should have, but since we spent the whole day basically chilling out, it felt like Sunday. Friday night, Katie and I made salmon and rice pilaf for dinner while simultaneously making cake and brownies for dessert. It was a pretty cool thing, except for the little problem of me having turned the oven up a little too high so I burned the brownies. The cake came out great, but the brownies were ruined. If my mom hadn”t been away for the weekend, I would have tried to get the recipe for her frosting (which I adore) and would have made that. Unfortunately, we just had to go with store-bought frosting. I”m kinda in a phase where I like the idea of making things from scratch, but I haven”t graduated to actually makign things from scratch yet. I think soon it will be time to do just that, though. I think I need a recipe book and some time sitting down with my mom, because I can make things to eat, but I never do, really.
Anyway, today is electronic music in Tompkins Square Park (maybe) and then a Raimi-fest in Astoria. I”m looking forward to that because I feel like too often, I let the active side of myself slide when I”m hanging out with someone a lot, and I like that side of myself and I”m not ready to let it go yet. But, man, I”m getting old. At least I feel old at the moment.
More later.
It”s like a Greek tragedy…
9:32AM 09/12/2002
After what was basically a good day yesterday, the accelerator cable on my bike broke. On my way home. On the BQE. Now, considering how awful that could have been (the middle of the Trench, anyone?), it wasn”t awful at all–it turns out that the cable pulled free of the handle, not the engine. That allowed me to pull it down from the metal stay colar and accelerate my bike like I was pulling a snake from its burrow–pulling on the metal wire to move the throttle. It was unsafe and really hard on my right hand (try steering with one hand while squeezing a greasy steel cable with all your strength with the other, you”ll see what I mean), but I made it home okay. Now I”m about to go out and see if i can jury-rig the thing to drive until I can get myself a replacement cable. I bet there”s nothing I can do.
I”ve said it before and I”ll say it again–I must”ve done something terribly karmically wrong to have this level of trouble with my motorcycles. I mean, the Aramacci? Please. More problems than I even want to get into. Now this thing. It”s almost too much for a boy to take.
Complaining over, time to move on. Thanks, though, to Katie and Kara (who I spoke to in that order) for both helping to cheer me up in their own ways. It”s always good to talk to both of you. Now I”m off to be proactive. Time to learn more about the problem before I spend money ordering parts for the solution.
September 11th
9:05AM 09/11/2002
In a lot of ways, today is no different than yesterday or the day before–objectively, there”s little significance to the fact that we”re now 365 days from the time and day that came to mean so much, but somehow, the same place on the calendar, the same date on our lips forces some meaning onto an otherwise-arbitrary morning.Often, in the past year, I”ve looked to the sky at a plane flying overhead and reconciled it with what I know about NYC geography, trying to judge whether it”s heading to an airport. Every time I think to take a picture in the city, I wonder if it”ll be the last time the city looks the way it does, whether this particular shot will hold some special meaning down the road.

I guess today is just like any other, really–I still have errands to do, I still have things to write, I still want to go play volleyball, but it seems that somehow I owe it to the memory of last year”s events to be reverent and thoughtful. And I am. To the memory of those lost, for the strength of those who were left behind and with the voice of those of us who saw with our eyes, heard with our ears and felt in our bones the horror of one year ago I can only offer my memory and my ability to retell the story to ensure that our horrors are never forgotten.

1:56PM 09/10/2002
nothing really to say other than that. My rent money? Yeah, that was that extra $500. How I”m going to live until next paycheck (which is not even on the horizon) is a mystery to me. That”s all for now. At least my bike works.
The world”s biggest WASP.
3:45PM 09/09/2002

Hi there. My name is WASP-boy. I live in the American suburbs, far from the interesting melting pot of the rest of the world. I don”t know people provincially close to their families and I don”t know people that all speak a foreign language as their primary means of communication. What I know is small families, long distances and a closeness that comes not of proximity but of similarity. I can”t name five of my grandparents” friends and the one holiday I spend with extended family with any regularity never has more than twelve or so participants. I am king wasp, head of the household and master of its domain. Geh.
So I”m on the train back to NYC after the weekend, and, man, was it something. I spent my time oscillating between the extremes and found myself at different times enjoying myself (sun setting over the sound, sitting on a rock in a park) and praying for swift and merciful release (nights of sickness). I”ve gotten to thinking about things as I demand them, about how important independence is to me, and about responsibility and people”s willingness or ability to take it. I consider it a perk of spending time with someone so much younger than myself that I effectively have a spyglass to the past from a new perspective. It”s not my past, this much is clear, but responsibility and consideration and independence are learned traits, and getting to watch them become learned traits is educational, to say the least. Sometimes it”s hard, especially for someone like me (who has a lot of trouble keeping his mouth shut), not to become didactic, not to even request because then i become an active player in the game I”d rather just watch. I know I have an impact, and I”d selfishly like to have an impact that moves things in a direction that I value, but I know that an affected change is a false one, and if you ask for it, well, you”re asking for it. Whatever, it”s a weird situation.
As soon as I get home and post this crap, I”ll no-doubt have more updates to post, but for now I”m basically out.
The television is better company than I am.
3:45PM 09/09/2002
It”s 4am and I”m writing. My motorcycle didn”t get fixed for the weekend, hobbling me in terms of transportation, leaving me reliant again on Katie and her car for everything. I can see how I might be a really obnoxious person to be around–my control issues are immense. I mean, setting aside the fact that Jacob at CycleTherapy lied to me and didn”t have the courtesy to tell me up front that they were closing early for the Jewish holiday (how do I spell Rosh Shoshanna?) and therefore wouldn”t get to my bike the same day as promised, I”m still bothered by the fact that I”m again left dependent. I”m also wondering if my bike will be able to make the trip from NYC to Syracuse to Philly and back without breaking down–I”m skittish and gunshy.
Sleeping from 12 till 2 and then not again until God knows when will not make me a fun guy to be around tomorrow, I fear. But what the hell, chalk it up to yet another way that I”m hard to be around, I guess.
Okay, I”m going to wrap this up and get back to writing–at least I”ll be insanely exhausted with a few more pages of screenplay tomorrow instead of just more self-searching monotonous bullshit puked onto the web. Weblogs are just the most painful things to read sometimes, huh? Masturbatory-fantasy-fulfilling, self-important time-wasting drivel to write and painful to read. Gah.
if it weren”t for my mom, I think i”d be a bad person.
4:02PM 09/05/2002
I think I”m saved from just being soulless by the fact that my mom raised me right, so if you like me, you should thank her. There are all sorts of examples of what I”m talking about, but I”m not going to list them because it”d just depress me and embarass people that know me.
So anyway… that”s all.
wrap time
2:26PM 09/04/2002
we get four days, so we”re busy. none of the famous lazy wrap days for me, unfortunately.
Also, my bike isn”t ever going to be fixed, this i swear. They said that the parts were on the invoice and that they”re not in the shop… this is irritating because either they were shipped in separate containers and should be there, or else the warehouse thinks that the stuff shipped but it didn”t.
Anyway, i”m breaking down because i need to write and can”t, want my bike back and will never have it.
Jared may come down next week, though, and everything will be interesting and fun. And this weekend is Long Island. Time to go upgrade to Netscape 7.
there are 10 kinds of people in the world…
5:17PM 09/02/2002
…those that can understand binary, and those that can”t.Anyway, the weekend, while not over, has been long enough that I feel like I can comment on how good it”s been thus far. Katie came down on Thursday night, a welcome half-surprise, and we had a good time just talking about everything for pretty much the whole weekend. Friday night was the old-school party that I had been waiting for, and while the beginning and the end were a little abrupt and stressful (owing to some discomfort for various reasons), it was a good time. We picked up Lindsay and Megan, which ruled because I wasn”t even sure that we could get Lindsay out there. She”s off to DC next weekend, so this was sort of the last hurrah of Lindsay-dom in my life, at least for awhile. And it”s always fun to go out with Megan, even though I embarass her a little when I dance, I think.
My mom came up early on Saturday, and while I was tired, we managed to get breakfast, walk the dogs, watch a terrible movie and get some tasty-assed dinner at Planet Thailand before I completely collapsed asleep at like midnight. I think I skeeved her out a little, but she handled it like a pro–thanks mom.
Sunday, I couldn”t get out of bed until about noon, although the fact that I actually slept really poorly on Saturday night meant that it was hard to actually feel rested. when we finally got moving, we left for the Met (which took an hour and fifteen minutes to get to) and had a good couple of hours staring at art on the walls. As much as I don”t like museums, I think I can appreciate them for what they mean culturally. Besides, it never hurts to have a hot girl dragging you around pointing things out. Then we went to B&N where I bought a children”s book at Katie”s urging and a copy of Cryptonimicon because everyone has been making fun of me for not having read it. I felt ashamed, so I broke down. Between this and the underground filmmakker”s book I bought a couple of weeks ago, I should be golden for reading material for quite awhile. Then we came back and had some dinner, an effort which involved being sad that the french restaurant was closed before we headed to Uno”s, which turned out fine.
This morning, there was zucchini bread with the nuts removed (because we”re allergic, you know), Tombstone, talk about ORAL PLEASURES, and much lying about in pajamas. We got up early to get all this done by four thirty when Katie left. I know I”ve managed to get her in trouble with her family, a fact that makes me feel badly, but it was good to have her around for four days or so.
Now, I write. I have scenes to work on (Angelina meets Joey for the first time, anyone?) and ideas for them, all that”s left is for me to install Final Draft over here on my newly-formatted HDD and go ahead. I can work on adding in those bits and changing things a little here and there, and I think the entire thing will be re-written by the end of next week. This IS, you know, my last week of work. I figure that I can take a couple of weeks before I panic and have to work again, right? I don”t know…. Whatever. Money will just have to figure itself out in the immediate future.
I”m off to write now–thanks for reading.