Im going to have to start programming these things, because so many of you guys are east-coasters that youre probably not reading it until the day after its posted, which, while fine in most cases is entirely unacceptable for birthdays.

Happy Birthday Justin!

No, really. Happy birthday. I hope theres just enough debauchery to be enjoyable but not so much to be debilitating (because I know we cant party like we used to, right?). The least you can do is not work late tonight and go to a good restaurant and drink some amazing vintage 1976 wine.

You were always older than me in the summers, even though we shared the same birth year, and it was lame, because I was always like “Im fifteen…” and you were all, “Yeah, I was fifteen once. Long ago. Cause Im sixteen. And, uh, hey, baby, you want a ride?” Lame. Summer always sort of defined that 2/3 of a year you had me by. Maybe when were old, well toddle around the retirement home and Ill be the cool one cause Im a “year” younger. Well just have to see about that.