So I biked to Santa Monica today. And home. And you know what I was thinking about pretty much all the time I was riding? Everything that I like to do now, I was better at ten years ago. Ten years have gone by, ten years of my life, and Im pretty much worse at everything that I like to do. In 1994, I was in better shape. In better VBall practice, too. I could ride further, more easily, and faster. I shot movies more frequently then than I do now, and it was easier, even though I was unschooled, hadnt had the experience of working on a “real” film, hadnt ever actually shot film at all. I was better socially, too – more friendly, outgoing, and more comfortable in my skin.

I cant chalk it up to, or blame any of this, really, on being old. Fact of the matter is, yeah, Im going to be sore tomorrow, but I would have been sore ten years ago, too. I would have worked though it, though, and everything would have been fine. I cant blame it on having a fill-time job, because I gettnig up at 5:30 every morning (not hitting snooze till 6 like I do now) and going to school all day. Often, I had practice of one sort or another, too, meaning that I spent more time in school than I currently do at work.

Its weird. In some ways, ten years has done a lot to me, but in others, Im still the same person, only less in pretty much every way. Im not sure I like this train of thought, but if I know anything about myself, its that I lack the discipline to enact any real change. Im not getting into biking shape – that means I have to bike more than once a month. Im not getting good at VBall–Id need to go to the beach occasionally, and Im not going to learn any more languages, no matter how many international beginner/intermediate ads you show me.

Okay, Im falling asleep writing this, so Im going to end it. Theres more to be said, but itll just have to wait.