Despite the verbose title, this update isnt really about the weather. The weather has been wonderful–dont get me wrong, but you dont need me to tell you that. Either youve been living through it and are supremely aware of it or you havent and dont give a single shit about how nice my weekends weather has been.
No, this update is about free will, about desires, maybe a little bit about repression. This is a weblog, I guess, so its sort of all about repression, isnt it?
Ive been working a little bit on things to make me some coin, which is good. Its nice to have money coming in, true, but theres still so much that I need to be doing and am not, its a shame. Im not working hard enough–Im never working hard enough, despite the fact that I get up every morning and do just that, its not enough. I have to get inspired to write testimonials – I have to get psyched to do mailings. I have to get my lists together, I have to begin figuring out how to address things. That means labels, envelopes, etc, etc, etc.
And all of that (about what I have to do) relates somehow to the idea of free will. Im not sure how, but I know that Im supposed to have it, I havent become some bible-thumping, will-of-god, hand-wringing, weak-willed, que-sera-sera fatalist on you or anything, but its just annoying when you watch yourself NOT steering your own ride and not liking where its going. Grabbing the wheel all of a sudden, though, will only lead to a car crash like in OUT OF SIGHT. No, you have to wait for the next stop, then switch back into the drivers seat.
This feels like badly-written inspirational literature right now. What the shit. Often, I need to be told to shut the hell up.